Parent University

In the county where Dick and I live, all divorcing couples with minor children are required to go to "Parenting School." A judge will not grant a divorce until both parties attend and produce their graduation certificates to the court. Fortunately, soon-to-be-exes don't have to appear together. Thank goodness for this. Otherwise, it's almost a given that instead of the instruction taking place in a relaxed atmosphere where an open, honest exchange of information would be welcomed and encouraged, the educational facility would instead take on the look and feel of the Jerry Springer Show during it's most violent episodes. Actually, come to think of it, I just came up with the premise for a really interesting new reality show: Following families in transition around on a day to day basis as they adjust to their new roles and dynamics as the family unit changes. The compensation could be to have all fees relating to the divorce as well as counseling for everyone involved paid for. Speaking of money, like everything else associated with ending a marriage, there is a price to pay for getting a degree in co-parenting in separate households. Fortunately, the amount, compared to all the other expenses is minimal. Now, if only attorneys could slash their fees, this would be a better world.

Since Dick and I communicate with each other as little as possible, going to school together was out of the question. As you can imagine, Dick wasted no time in taking care of his responsibility immediately and without complaining. He didn't raise a squabble at all about having to attend this program. He was happy to comply with the court-ordered mandate because anything that will advance this divorce along faster, he and Juanita are all for. My hunch is that she is the one calling the shots and pushing Dick to move onward and upward (or should I say...outward) as quickly as possible. And as you probably guessed by now, I had to wait until there was enough money in the checkbook before I could register. So, what else is new? When I was finally shown the money, it was past the date the judge had ordered us to enroll by. I notified my attorney of the situation. There wasn't anything else I could do under the circumstances. If Dick thought he was hurting me and making me "in contempt of a court order" by not having the funds available, he was grossly mistaken. He was only delaying the process. Since Juanita wants Dick so badly, she should have paid my tuition for me. I think it's the least she could have done since she has a vested interest in having this marriage end as quickly as possible.

Co-parenting school is a four hour course. My class was held at a local community college on a Saturday from 8:00 a.m. till noon. In a way I was excited to take part in this program because I loved the academic atmosphere and missed the ambiance of campus life. However, once I got there I realized that this was not the co-ed experience I recalled. Instead of the fun and parties associated with post-secondary education life, my contemporaries and I were learning how to "behave" appropriately in front of our kids. At this point I want to interject how full the lecture room was. There was not a single seat available. I guess despite the poor economy, couples are still splitting up in record numbers. Getting back to the course syllabus, our group was shown a series of short videos depicting possible situations that might occur as life moves on for both parties as well as the offspring involved. Following each episode, we had a discussion about how to successfully handle the various dilemmas. Our instructor was a divorce attorney who also does mediation work. Just to clarify, she has first-hand experience in this field: she is also a divorced parent of minor children. Not only did she talk the talk...she walked the walk!

Actually the re-enactments were quite interesting and thought-provoking. First we were shown a clip depicting "the drop off" or what transpired when the dad returned the kids back to their mom's house after a weekend visit. The father was in a hurry to leave, making it clear that his time was up. The mom entered the room and started immediately badgering her ex about the support check being late and how she wasn't able to pay the bills. Immediately, a heated argument took place. I quickly put myself in her shoes knowing that in the near future, Dick will be pulling the same shtick on me. Another skit involved the father who was a no-show for his child and how disappointed and let down the little one was by being neglected. Will this happen in our family? It's possible that when Dick gets settled into his new life, Marni won't matter as much to him and he might blow her off if something more entertaining comes up for him. Fortunately, we only have a few years left to deal with this! The scenario which riled our group up the most involved a father who had moved on with his life and now had a new girlfriend. They both have children and the entire group were spending the weekend together. The parents were living it up drinking, smoking and having sex in the bedroom with the door closed while the kids were left to fend for themselves in another room. The older ones were forced to babysit for the younger ones which didn't go over very well because the collective offspring clearly were resentful and didn't like each other or their new responsibilities. As evening turned into morning, the youngsters were seen at the kitchen table trying to figure out what to eat for breakfast. All that was available was cold, leftover pizza from the night before. The father entered the room, angry and clueless why there was so much discord among everyone. My thoughts turned to Dick, Maritza, her two children and Marni. I shuddered to imagine what our version of the "Brady Bunch" family will be like. Again, I kept thinking that at least the amount of time we'll actually have to deal with these issues is finite.

As our time together came to a close, we were each handed our certificates of attendance, instructed where to drop them off at the courthouse and wished good luck going forward. It was almost like a graduation ceremony.

Slowly but surely things are starting to move forward. One step closer to D-Day!