With the kids back in school, I was looking forward to things settling down for awhile so I can catch my breath and recharge my batteries. Who was I kidding! What do they say about there is no rest for the weary...or maybe I just made that up because I am so wiped out and I can't enjoy any downtime or think straight anymore. The longer this divorce process drags on, the greater the toll it is taking on me. It sure would be nice if I could get away for mini-vacations every few weeks just like Dick and Juanita are doing. Why does he always have all the fun and get away with everything in the process? I guess some things in life I'll never find the answer to. At this point, I'm hoping that at the end of this journey, I'll find my rainbow with its pot of gold waiting for me. I told you that I'm not thinking clearly anymore.
No sooner did I take a slight breather from all the shenanigans that transpired in our home over winter break, when I was hit with another bombshell. Not long after I filed for divorce, my attorney told me that I should go after sole custody of Marni because Dick is such a control freak, he doesn't talk to me, show me any respect or feel that he has to discuss anything with me. My lawyer felt that it would be impossible for Dick and me to make any joint decisions about Marni, even though we are only talking about a little more than two years that this arrangement would last. Of course, as can be expected, Dick wants joint custody. Both lawyers had a status meeting with the judge after the first of the year, and the court ruled that Dick and I should see a mediator to see if we can come to some workable agreement. When Dick heard this, he hit the roof.
Immediately, without my knowledge he had a private discussion with Marni about the court order. A few nights later, he called Marni and me into the kitchen and told me there was something he needed to tell me. Marni said she wanted to leave the room and Dick adamantly refused. He made her stay put and listen to what he was going to say. He then proceeded to tell me that over the weekend he told Marni about "my plan" for sole custody. They both agreed that they want joint custody. Dick continued by saying that if Marni is asked what she wants, that is what she will say. Therefore, there is no way I will ever get sole custody. He proceeded on that he is her father, he will make decisions about her future and will see his daughter whenever he wants. I will not keep him from doing that. On a roll at this point, he stated that the judge was appalled by what I am trying to do, especially since there is only a little over two years that we are talking about.
Building up steam, he blamed me for dragging on this divorce. Furthermore, he accused me of bringing in an additional attorney, ranting that instead of two attorneys we now have three. *For the record, we have two attorneys and one mediator. Yelling at the top of his lungs, he roared, "I promise you will not get sole custody. Just wait until you see what HAPPENS to you and what you will be left with when this divorce is over."
I was livid. I told Dick that he had absolutely no business discussing any of this with Marni. She is not part of the decision-making process and didn't need to hear, concern herself or worry about this matter. I then told Marni that custody only has to do with making decisions and I would never do anything to keep her and her father from seeing each other. The tension level rose as did our voices and tempers. Marni started crying and shaking. threatening to leave the house. At this point, Dick turned to her and said, "This is all your mother's fault. This is the kind of mother you have. Do you see what she is doing to you?
Marni ran into her room, shut the door and proceeded to sob loudly and uncontrollably. Needing to get away from Dick and his hateful, hurtful tirade, I mindlessly made my way into the family room and turned on the television for a little diversion. (Not that I had any clue what was on.) Dick followed me and made it clear he was not through with me yet. There was much more that he had to "talk" to me about. He went on to explain that he has a copy of the court order and he has read it over very carefully several times. He informed me that it clearly states that both parties have to split the cost of the mediator. He even called his attorney and verified that we each have to pay for our share. He further claimed that his attorney told him he should take my share out of the money that he is supposed to give me for my expenses, giving me half the amount he is supposed to. I listened to him and simply responded that I will be calling my attorney in the morning. Feeling that he got everything out of his system, he finally shut up and left the room.
Completely shaking, I poured myself a glass of wine and tried to relax by watching Oprah. I don't have a clue what her show was about, nor did I sleep at all that night. The next morning, I apologized to Marni for losing my temper. She told me it was okay. I told her she was being kind,. It definitely was not alright. I was very upset that her father dragged her into a matter that was not her concern and manipulated her into taking sides against me. No parent should ever put his/her child into that position. Before leaving for school, Marni told me that Dick had called Josh at school over the weekend and told him about my plans too. She wanted me to call Josh and explain the situation to him too. As she walked out the door, she added, "Don't tell Dad I told you about this." I promised her that I definitely wouldn't.
That afternoon I called Josh and did more damage control. When I said that I heard his father discussed the custody issue with him, his first response was, "I don't care." I told him that he shouldn't care because this matter doesn't concern him, nor should he have been told about the circumstances. I explained that custody has to do with making decisions and neither his father nor I know exactly this entails so there was absolutely no reason to involve him and Marni in something that is not their business. I further reassured him that it is not my intent to keep either one of my children away from their father, even though Josh is an adult at this time and he can make his own decisions about who he sees and when. He was relieved by the end of our chat. I was totally drained.
What a day. To think all of this could have been avoided if Dick would only grow up and act his age instead of behaving like a spoiled rotten child. Is it any wonder why my attorney feels I should have sole custody???
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