Valentine's Day

Having just survived New Year's Eve, I knew that Valentine's Day was also going to be a rough day to deal with. Just like the initial year after the loss of a loved one, going through the divorce process also brings with it the traumatic reality of "first times without..." For weeks, I've been preparing myself to deal with the deluge of memories and unmet dreams that I expected would come flooding back to depress me on this day set aside to commemorate love.

To force myself from organizing, hosting and welcoming myself as the guest of honor to the world's largest "pity party for one" featuring a mouth-watering spread of spectacular, never-ending amounts of chocolate delicacies, guaranteed to temporarily obliterate all pain, I knew I needed to find a positive, special and heartwarming way to still find joy in a holiday that I always looked forward to celebrating (without making myself sick to my stomach and putting myself into a self-induced diabetic coma in the process). So I put Plan B into effect.

Marni needed to do some community service work for a high school project. Of course, she informed me this two days before Christmas and wanted to participate during the holiday break. After making several phone calls to all the local food pantries, churches, synagogues and shelters in our area, I was surprised to discover that no one needed help during this season of giving and good cheer. However, I did find an organization that provides meals to the homeless and the needy in a low-income area of Chicago who could use some volunteers on Valentine's Day. Actually, this was something I've wanted to do for years, so I signed Marni and me up. At the time, I didn't realize how perfect it would be for us to serve on this particular day.

As I am not a lover of operating a motor vehicle in wintry, snowy conditions, I was grateful that as we drove to the Uptown neighborhood on Valentine's Day, the sun was shining, the temps were mild and the ground was dry. So far, so good. However, recently, the city of Chicago put in new parking meters all over town. Being a suburbanite who is used to pulling into free parking spaces where ever I go, I wasn't familiar with the new system. Fortunately I found a parking spot just up the street from the building we would be going to. This made me extremely happy, as this wasn't the safest of neighborhoods and I wanted us both to live through this experience. After checking the area for suspicious characters, I got out of my car and starting putting quarter after quarter in what should have been my meter. It kept flashing and blinking, but didn't register the amount I deposited. One of the area's residents came up to me and informed me that I wasn't supposed to put money in the meter. He then pointed out a large "pay station" across the street that covered all the spaces for the entire area. As I was thanking him profusely, I was simultaneously becoming totally pissed off because the city was misleading unsuspecting people with these meters and making additional revenue from this venture. These curbside "piggy banks" had no information posted on them alerting drivers not to use them for their cars. Trying to keep things in perspective and stay focused on why we were in the city, I regained my composure. Marni and I walked over to the neighborhood collection box to figure out how to pay for my right to park on the street. After successfully receiving a confirmation ticket, we then ventured back to my car to affix the paper inside my front windshield so I could legally occupy my parking spot for the time we would be doing our good deed for the day.

Thankfully, we made our way over to the building without getting assaulted, raped, robbed or murdered. After checking in with security and locking up our personal belongings, we were taken to the room where we would be serving. Set up like a restaurant, this facility was designed to make the guests feel special and appreciated. I have to say that I was very impressed with the layout and the system. Because it was Sunday morning, we would be serving brunch. The menu options included omelets, potatoes, pancakes with strawberry topping, veggie sausages, bagels and cream cheese, and assorted hot and cold beverages. After being quickly briefed on our morning's responsibilities, we were handed our serving aprons, an order pad and a pen and immediately got busy putting out place mats, napkins, plastic ware and condiments on the tables. Since it was Valentine's Day, two of the regulars, a father and his grown daughter who have been volunteering together on Sunday mornings for years, brought Hershey kisses and put them in small plastic bowls for the guests to enjoy. I was touched by their generosity of spirit and admired the commitment the two of them made to each other and to those in need. When we finished our pre-meal chores, we claimed and stood by the table that would be ours to service. We were told that after we brought out the food we should sit and talk with our guests. As important as it was for them to eat, they also hungered for the nourishment of conversation and good will.

At 11:00 am, the visitors started arriving and picking the spots they wanted to dine at. Three individuals took seats at my table. I glanced over to where Marni was. She was serving four middle-aged African American women who quickly engaged her in conversation. Before I knew it, there was laughter coming from their direction. It appeared that Marni was not only comfortable, she seemed to be enjoying herself immensely. I was happy and pleasantly surprised to see this. After I served my guests, I pulled up a chair and joined them for a bite to eat. Among my diners were two African American men who were as different as night and day and a middle aged, mentally challenged white woman. In their own unique ways, they were quite entertaining and engaging conversationalists. One of the males was a very pleasant, soft-spoken factory worker in his late 50's. The other was a former bank security guard who was fired from his job and spends his evenings in prison for selling drugs. This was more information than I needed to know and coyly steered the conversation to Valentine's Day and asked what they would be doing later to celebrate this sentimental occasion. The employed gentleman told me he was looking forward to watching the basketball game on t.v. He shared that currently he is single but he is looking for the right woman and when he finds her, he will treat her with respect and support her both emotionally and financially. My drug dealer table mate said that he is going home to sleep because that is all he cares to do. He's also looking for a woman but one who would cater to his every demand. I teased him by asking where his mom is, because it sounds like that is who he really is looking for. The four of us cracked up at that comment. The laughter created an immediate bond between us. From that moment on, the conversation flowed effortlessly and naturally. Feeling completely comfortable with them, I then divulged that I am going through a divorce, but being with them brightened up my day and made it very special. They made me smile and giggle. During the time we spent socializing, I was very happy and lighthearted. I knew that if I stayed home, I would have been wallowing in well-deserved, self-pity. As we chatted, the time flew by very quickly. Before I knew it, our guests were packing up to leave and it was time for us to clean and put everything away.

On the drive home, Marni and I discussed our experiences and realized that even though on the surface these people were obviously quite different from us, we shared a lot of similarities. We all wanted to feel loved, appreciated and accepted. It didn't matter where we lived, how old we were, the color of our skin, the religion we practiced or didn't, our backgrounds and circumstances in life, we found many things to converse about. Marni and I also understood that it was merely fate or luck that allowed us to live a comfortable existence (at least up to this point) and how quickly life could change. We discussed the diversity of the clientele that came in for a free meal today. Some were the stereotype of what we would expect. Others caught us completely off-guard. They looked like they could be our neighbors and friends. It was sobering to accept that many of these people were not only highly educated, they were earning respectable incomes until they lost their jobs due to the recession. Serving a simple meal that morning taught us that by stepping out of our neighborhood and individual comfort zones, we were able to gain a whole new perspective and appreciation for not only our own lives but for those who we most likely would never stop to talk to or get to know under any other circumstances.

This Valentine's Day will always be special to Marni and me. Instead of exchanging the usual sentimental cards, flowers and candy, we gave our time, energy and love to those who so desperately needed it. In return, we received warmth, affection, attention and gratitude. I can't think of a better way to celebrate this holiday. Not even Hallmark can top this!

Our Marriage Ref

The plan was that the mediator would initially meet Dick and me on separate occasions. After spending time with each of us individually, getting to know us a little better and gaining an appreciation of what we'd like to have happen regarding custody and visitation, the three of us would come together and try to work out an arrangement that we could live with until Marni graduates from high school.

With trepidation, I approached my upcoming appointment with the mediator. Suddenly, our family's business won't be entirely under our personal control anymore. Deciding to divorce when the children are minors changes all that and puts new rules, regulations and restrictions on every aspect of life with the kids. Which parent(s) will the children live with? Who will have custody? Will it be sole? Will it be joint? What about the visitation schedule? Holidays? Birthdays? Graduations? Other milestone events? I just learned that when you are divorced, it's no longer possible to simply allow your kids to travel out-of-state overnight with you, a friend or other relatives without making sure the other parent approves of this arrangement. Things that just happened, can no longer be taken for granted. Going forward, everything will be spelled out, agreed upon and enforced. In some ways this is good. At least I'll have some control over what Marni does. In other ways, it will be the same or worse. Dick will figure out ways to manipulate situations, bully everyone to make life miserable for all concerned and make sure he gets exactly what he wants. That's a given and the reason why my lawyer advised me to go after sole custody.

The day I met privately with the mediator, I found out that Dick was there the day before. Somehow that didn't surprise me. She filled me in as much as she could about their visit. Mainly that he had expressed his views on why we should have joint custody: He is Marni's father and he should have an equal right in making decisions about her life. Under normal circumstances, I would definitely agree. However our situation isn't typical. The reality is that Dick doesn't want "joint custody." He wants sole custody under the guise of it being joint. Just as he always has, he wants to continue to do whatever he wants to and make sure things go his way. The mediator then shared what Dick had said about Marni. He raved about what a wonderful person she is. He described her as being a sweet, kind, loving, hard-working, studious, caring, thoughtful girl. I agreed 100% with that assessment. At least we were on the same page about something. That was a start.

Then it was my turn to say my piece. I expressed my apprehensions about why I feel that Dick and I shouldn't share joint custody of Marni. In a nutshell, it's because Dick is not willing to listen to anything I have to say, will disagree just to be difficult, doesn't feel he has to tell me anything and feels that he can do what he wants, when he wants, with whomever he wants and no one will tell him otherwise. I also have a major concern about letting Marni be unsupervised with Dick overnight. A few years ago, Dick started walking around naked in front of the children. This was not something the children were exposed to (pun intended) their whole lives. In fact, until Marni entered puberty, Dick was very modest. Around the time that Marni's body started to change, so did Dick's demeanor. I'm not talking about letting his guard down (and everything else) sporadically or unintentionally. His actions were deliberate. He made sure the kids got full view of his family jewels. (In his case, it's all costume jewelry and not worth much!) He routinely went into Marni's room while she was laying in bed before she got up in the morning, stood by her pillow in his birthday suit and carried on small talk with her. He also developed the habit of barging in on her while she was bathing to get something out of the vanity or ask her a question. Obviously, he could have waited till she was done. Repeatedly, I told him to stop. Josh told him to put some clothes on because it was disgusting. On the other hand, Marni never said a word. She avoids confrontation at all costs. She never wants to hurt anyone or have them be angry with her. Therefore, Dick proceeded to expose himself and ignored Josh and me completely. I always prayed that he never crossed the line any further. On several occasions, I brought up the subject of inappropriate sexual behavior and requested that Marni come to me if she is asked or told to do something that is not right. She brushed these conversations off and told me that nothing has happened and it won't.

When I filed for divorce, I brought this issue up with my attorney. He spoke to Dick's attorney about this, who then told Dick he needed to dress appropriately around the kids immediately. Dick took his counsel's advice. However, a grown man, who is a medical professional should know better. He's only controlling himself now because he's being watched very closely and knows if he crosses the line, there will be a high price to pay. So what did the mediator say about all this? In a nutshell, she said that the judge won't feel this is any reason to keep Dick from having Marni stay with him overnight. However, I can request that when Marni is in Dick's charge that she have her own room with a lock on the door. Having gotten everything out in the open, the next step would be for the three of us to meet together. She asked me if I would feel safe discussing things in front of Dick. I told her that I would but I don't know what repercussions would happen when we leave her office. She also informed me that if she sees things aren't progressing in a positive way, she will stop the session and inform the judge of her findings. Finally, she felt that it was worth the effort to try and see how things would go.

About a week later, we all got together. On the positive side, there was no yelling, kicking or screaming and neither one of us walked out of the session. We talked as civilly as two people who hate each others guts and must continue to live together under the same roof can. Trust me, the underlying current in the room was charged with high-voltage mercurial energy. But, I'm sure this was to be expected. After all, that is why the judge wanted us to see the mediator in the first place. Surprisingly, on the big issues Dick and I were in complete agreement. Up until our meeting, I didn't understand (and for sure, Dick had no clue) what the parameters of custody were. It was explained to us that custody is simply about decision making regarding religion, education and health. Regarding religion, there aren't any issues. We are both Jewish, follow the same customs, traditions and beliefs and Marni has already had her Bat Mitzvah. The next area of discussion: education. The fact that Marni is in high school and will finish out her studies at the same institution isn't an area of dispute either. Finally: medical concerns. Thankfully, as of right now, Marni doesn't have any serious health conditions. In the past, when a medical or dental situation arose, we deferred to the advice of the pediatrician or dentist and followed their recommendations. We agreed that going forward, this is the same pattern we will follow and in the event that one of us might feel the need, we can get a second opinion at our own expense. The last major area of concern was whether or not Marni should get a car while she is still a minor. Here too, we both feel there isn't a need for one. (and when we are divorced, if Dick decides he wants to buy her one, it would be fine with me!) So, in a nutshell we don't have any issues with the major issues. It's the minutia of daily life that causes all the grief.

As we shifted to the topic of our current living arrangement and visitation in the future, things became much more heated. I brought up what I discussed privately with the mediator. Dick brushed everything off. I also voiced my concern about the possibility that Dick probably will move out of state and start a new life with Juanita and if that will transpire, why are we even talking about a visitation schedule. She said that if Dick is moving, this discussion is a waste of time unless he is planning on coming in town to have dinner with Marni and spend every other weekend here as well. (who knows... maybe that is exactly what he is going to do) I brought up the fact that Dick now travels regularly and he doesn't feel he has to give me the courtesy of letting me know he will be gone. The mediator told him this has to change. Dick must give me notice of when and for how long he will be away from the house. After much dispute, he finally agreed. We then approached the arrangements for Passover and who Marni will be with each night. Also, it was decided (after Dick went on and on about being a busy doctor who can't commit to a regular schedule) that for now, he will take care of Marni on Monday and Tuesday evenings and I will be with her on Wednesday and Thursday nights. For now, we will muddle our way through the weekends and try to accommodate each other as best as possible. At the end of the hour, even though we didn't work out all the details about every issue, at least we're building a framework of how things will play themselves out over the next few years. I think it's a step in the right direction.
To be continued...

Parent University

In the county where Dick and I live, all divorcing couples with minor children are required to go to "Parenting School." A judge will not grant a divorce until both parties attend and produce their graduation certificates to the court. Fortunately, soon-to-be-exes don't have to appear together. Thank goodness for this. Otherwise, it's almost a given that instead of the instruction taking place in a relaxed atmosphere where an open, honest exchange of information would be welcomed and encouraged, the educational facility would instead take on the look and feel of the Jerry Springer Show during it's most violent episodes. Actually, come to think of it, I just came up with the premise for a really interesting new reality show: Following families in transition around on a day to day basis as they adjust to their new roles and dynamics as the family unit changes. The compensation could be to have all fees relating to the divorce as well as counseling for everyone involved paid for. Speaking of money, like everything else associated with ending a marriage, there is a price to pay for getting a degree in co-parenting in separate households. Fortunately, the amount, compared to all the other expenses is minimal. Now, if only attorneys could slash their fees, this would be a better world.

Since Dick and I communicate with each other as little as possible, going to school together was out of the question. As you can imagine, Dick wasted no time in taking care of his responsibility immediately and without complaining. He didn't raise a squabble at all about having to attend this program. He was happy to comply with the court-ordered mandate because anything that will advance this divorce along faster, he and Juanita are all for. My hunch is that she is the one calling the shots and pushing Dick to move onward and upward (or should I say...outward) as quickly as possible. And as you probably guessed by now, I had to wait until there was enough money in the checkbook before I could register. So, what else is new? When I was finally shown the money, it was past the date the judge had ordered us to enroll by. I notified my attorney of the situation. There wasn't anything else I could do under the circumstances. If Dick thought he was hurting me and making me "in contempt of a court order" by not having the funds available, he was grossly mistaken. He was only delaying the process. Since Juanita wants Dick so badly, she should have paid my tuition for me. I think it's the least she could have done since she has a vested interest in having this marriage end as quickly as possible.

Co-parenting school is a four hour course. My class was held at a local community college on a Saturday from 8:00 a.m. till noon. In a way I was excited to take part in this program because I loved the academic atmosphere and missed the ambiance of campus life. However, once I got there I realized that this was not the co-ed experience I recalled. Instead of the fun and parties associated with post-secondary education life, my contemporaries and I were learning how to "behave" appropriately in front of our kids. At this point I want to interject how full the lecture room was. There was not a single seat available. I guess despite the poor economy, couples are still splitting up in record numbers. Getting back to the course syllabus, our group was shown a series of short videos depicting possible situations that might occur as life moves on for both parties as well as the offspring involved. Following each episode, we had a discussion about how to successfully handle the various dilemmas. Our instructor was a divorce attorney who also does mediation work. Just to clarify, she has first-hand experience in this field: she is also a divorced parent of minor children. Not only did she talk the talk...she walked the walk!

Actually the re-enactments were quite interesting and thought-provoking. First we were shown a clip depicting "the drop off" or what transpired when the dad returned the kids back to their mom's house after a weekend visit. The father was in a hurry to leave, making it clear that his time was up. The mom entered the room and started immediately badgering her ex about the support check being late and how she wasn't able to pay the bills. Immediately, a heated argument took place. I quickly put myself in her shoes knowing that in the near future, Dick will be pulling the same shtick on me. Another skit involved the father who was a no-show for his child and how disappointed and let down the little one was by being neglected. Will this happen in our family? It's possible that when Dick gets settled into his new life, Marni won't matter as much to him and he might blow her off if something more entertaining comes up for him. Fortunately, we only have a few years left to deal with this! The scenario which riled our group up the most involved a father who had moved on with his life and now had a new girlfriend. They both have children and the entire group were spending the weekend together. The parents were living it up drinking, smoking and having sex in the bedroom with the door closed while the kids were left to fend for themselves in another room. The older ones were forced to babysit for the younger ones which didn't go over very well because the collective offspring clearly were resentful and didn't like each other or their new responsibilities. As evening turned into morning, the youngsters were seen at the kitchen table trying to figure out what to eat for breakfast. All that was available was cold, leftover pizza from the night before. The father entered the room, angry and clueless why there was so much discord among everyone. My thoughts turned to Dick, Maritza, her two children and Marni. I shuddered to imagine what our version of the "Brady Bunch" family will be like. Again, I kept thinking that at least the amount of time we'll actually have to deal with these issues is finite.

As our time together came to a close, we were each handed our certificates of attendance, instructed where to drop them off at the courthouse and wished good luck going forward. It was almost like a graduation ceremony.

Slowly but surely things are starting to move forward. One step closer to D-Day!

A License To Move???

For quite some time, I've had my suspicions that Dick is planning to move out west. However, aside from my gut instinct, I really didn't have anything concrete to go on. Until now. The sign that I was praying for finally appeared. It was plain as day. Unmistakable. I'd even go so far as to say it was heaven sent. I get goosebumps just thinking about how this message arrived. Actually, it came right to my mailbox. Imagine that! Now that's what I'd call "special delivery." What else would an over-sized envelope addressed to Dick with the return address from the state medical licensing board where Juanita lives be?

Heart pounding wildly and thunderously, I wrote down the info from this governing body and quickly ran up to my computer to do a google search. "What should I do with this information?" was the question that began racing through my mind. It's clear that I needed to know if Dick is planning on picking up and moving out of state. He's one tricky guy and he has promised me repeatedly that he will leave me with nothing. It would be his style to quit his job, pack up and leave no forwarding information to avoid paying maintenance and child support. After all, his hair-brained schemes have worked up till now. Why should his luck change? He's definitely on a roll--- finding a wealthy physician who has fallen in love with him (or at least with the lifestyle she thinks he's going to provide for her) who lives in the city that Dick could see himself adjusting to very comfortably and finally realizing his dream of having a hard working woman who does well financially support him in the manner he's always dreamed of (or so he thinks). All his ducks were lining up very nicely. It's hunting season and he's going in for the kill.

With the belief, attitude and new-found guts that I have to do whatever I can to protect Marni and me, I decided to call this agency to find out if Dick is authorized to practice in that state. While the phone rang, I reminisced back to the call I made to Juanita. I wondered what the outcome of this conversation would reveal. Finally, I was connected to the department that handles his specialty. The woman introduces herself and I proceeded to ask if Dick has a license to practice there. Flustered she told me, "No." I then continued and questioned if one will be issued in the near future. Becoming belligerent, she queried who I was and why I was requesting this information. I told her the truth. At that point she became irate and told me in no uncertain terms to keep my divorce out of her office and never call back there again. I thanked her for her time and hung up.

After I put the phone down, I became outraged. How dare she speak to me like that. She was totally out of line. All she had to say was, "I'm sorry, but I can not give out this information."End of story...end of conversation. She didn't have to be rude or threatening. I didn't commit a crime by calling a government office for information. Nor did I try to cover up my intentions by claiming I was Dick's secretary, assistant, etc. calling on his behalf. I contemplated calling her supervisor and complaining about how she handled the matter but I decided to drop it, forget it and move on.

Obviously she didn't share my sentiment. That night Dick told me he needed to talk to me. I was in Josh's room with the door locked and had no intentions of getting into anything with him at that point. Then he told me he needed the checkbook. I opened the door to hand it to him. Immediately he started in on me. He asked my if I know what I'm doing. I responded that yes I do. He proceeded to tell me that he knows what I'm up to and I'm not going to get away with it. I began to think, "Was this woman stupid enough to call Dick and tell him about our conversation? Doesn't she have other things to do all day or other doctors needing her attention?" Apparently not. He continued his rampage with, "What you did today is now in the courts. One more phone call and you will be prosecuted." Of course, Marni was in her bedroom at the time, taking all this in. Like a broken record, whatever Dick asked, said or threatened me with, I answered expressionless and emotionless, "I'm not going to discuss this with you." While I sounded and acted like I was in complete control, inwardly I was a mass of quivering jello. He was standing in the doorway and wouldn't budge. I asked him repeatedly to move out of the way so I can close the door. Several times during our altercation, I became fearful that his anger would escalate, he would take things up a notch and become physically abusive. Fortunately after what seemed like an eternity, he realized that he wasn't able to make me go berserk this time. His efforts were fruitless. Finally he backed away and left the room. While his angry tirades scare the living daylights out of me, I do realize that what he was threatening me with was a bunch of bull. I knew without a doubt Dick was bluffing big time. Did he honestly think I'd believe that his attorney would drop whatever he was doing and run down to the courthouse to file a complaint against me because I asked a simple question of a government employee? Nevertheless, watching Dick go bonkers like this is petrifying. Looking into his sardonic gaze, I honestly believe he is the devil.

Totally exhausted but overstimulated from all the adrenaline deluging my system, I was unable to calm down and go to sleep. Another rough night in the Cohen house. I don't know how many more of these I can take before they start taking their toll on me. I wish I could pack my bags, get away from this hell-hole, unwind and enjoy myself for a few days. (Unfortunately, at this point nothing short of a month detoxing at a spa will do much good)

Literally, it would be a blessing if Dick is out of state, out of mind and out of my daily life. As long as he pays what he is supposed to, when he is required to, I'll be a happy camper. Who am I kidding!!! That is the last thing he intends to do. Trying to keep my fears, worries and concerns about how things will play out down the road from spiraling completely out of control, I repeatedly tell myself that everything happens for a reason; things will work out exactly the way they are meant to; and better days are coming. If I say this to myself long enough, maybe one day I'll start to believe it.

Nun Sense

Every night after the 10:00 evening news, I watch Oprah. This is my way of unwinding after a long, stressful day. I started this ritual when Josh was an infant. Back then, the only peace, quiet and time alone I had was when he finally fell asleep. Also, this was my sole source of adult, intelligent, stimulating conversation and entertainment. Every weekday, I really looked forward to this respite. Fast forward to the present ... life hasn't changed. I still crave my regular fix of late-night T.V. Please Oprah... I beg you....don't go off the air!!! I need you now, more than ever.

Yesterday's show featured the first non-Japanese Geisha and a group of cloistered nuns living in a convent outside of Detroit. Their stories were shared by Lisa Ling, who had the opportunity to experience both lifestyles firsthand. She traveled to the Orient, spent time with the Geisha, and had a taste of this time-honored, exotic way of life. Following that whirlwind adventure, Lisa then spent the night at the convent with the nuns. Imagining myself in her position, I could definitely picture myself traveling around Japan in a rickshaw, experiencing the culture, customs and traditions, being served tea (I love tea!!) and totally immersing myself in that way of life. Spending time in a convent, on the other hand, isn't for me. As a Jewish woman, I don't think I'd fit in or be accepted. Actually I never understood why any woman would voluntarily become a nun. However, if given the opportunity, I would love to sit down and discuss this topic with any sister who would be interested in talking to me about this, openly and honestly.

Getting back to the show, the nuns talked about all they gave up to join the convent: sex, their careers, the possibility of having and raising children, and their material possessions. Their meals are all eaten in silence. In addition, speaking isn't allowed at other set times during the day. They willingly dedicate and devote their lives to Jesus Christ, as his collective wives. Watching and listening to their responses, I have to say, they all seemed really happy, almost giddy actually. They made it sound like life in the convent was a lot of fun. In fact, one of the video clips of cloistered life showed the nuns playing floor hockey, scrabble and cards. In a way it looked like a sorority house. One of the sisters interviewed said that she never goes anywhere in the convent without her BlackBerry. Imagine that! I don't even own a BlackBerry. Another sister declared that by becoming a nun, it freed her to be who she was truly meant to be. Hmmm...

The more I tuned in, the more enlightened I became. I started to think that maybe these sisters were on to something. As I contemplated their lifestyle and all the things they gave up when they took their vows, I realized that aside from having children, (which I'm totally grateful for and wouldn't trade for anything in the world) I somehow, without my consent or knowledge, wound up making similar vows when I married Dick...chastity, poverty, giving up my career to worship and devote my life to my marriage to "God. " (*Actually, in my mother-in-law's eyes, I really did marry God. I'm sure she can't understand why I don't feel blessed, appreciative and honored to serve her son in every possible way.) For many years, I've eaten my meals without any conversation. I was silenced several times during the day as well. Our lives were actually pretty similar in many ways. However, whereas the nuns were jubilant, I was miserable. Then another thought crossed my mind. These woman don't ever have to worry about where they are going to live and how they are going to pay their bills. Nor will they have to concern themselves with obtaining their own health insurance. There's no question that divorce will never be an issue. Their husband will never compare them with other women or leave them for another. Arguing with their spouse is out of the question. Their clothes will never go out of style. No wonder all these women looked so joyful. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that these sisters really had their act together. I shouldn't have been so quick to judge.