Ready Or Not, Here I Come

On Wednesday morning, July 15th, 2009, I dropped my daughter off at the camp she was volunteering at and headed off to the courthouse, where I was meeting my attorney to file for divorce and ask for an emergency TRO (temporary restraining order) to keep Dick from spending any of our marital assets.

Totally void of all feeling, I parked my car and walked toward the building. Barely going through the motions of putting one foot in front of the other, somehow I found myself in the courthouse. As I waited for my turn to go through security, a wave of melancholy came over me. Images of standing in a similar line flooded my mind and brought back a sea of memories of what seemed (at that moment) like a lifetime ago. I was reminiscing about the previous summer when my husband, my kids and I were at the airport preparing to board a flight to Aruba for what would turn out to be our last family vacation together. What a difference a year makes. I thought how ironic the whole situation was. As I collected my purse after clearing security, I realized I was about to embark on a new journey alone... my destination still unknown at that point. All I knew was I wanted to be on a flight to the Caribbean instead.

I met up with my lawyer. We sat down at a table in an open area. He handed me a thick stack of papers. I proceeded to read over and sign the documents that would catapult my life in a brand new direction. Then we walked down a long corridor to courtroom 105 and entered the door. Immediately my heart began thumping loudly and wildly against my chest wall, sweat started soaking my palms while my hands took to shaking uncontrollably. "Get a grip of yourself," I silently scolded myself. "Calm down, breathe deeply, relax," the voice in my head coaxed my unwilling body. It was no use. All I wanted to do was run as fast as I could out of the door, down the hall, out of the building and to my car. Instead, I walked slowly through the gallery, found an empty spot on the bench in the last row and sat down. As I listened to the others state their woes to the judge, a sinking sensation took hold of my stomach and brought me to a new low. This was one depressing place. It boggled my mind to think of how many people came to this room day in day out, week in week out, year in and year out to put an end to something that at one time was supposed to be their "happily ever after." What was even more heartbreaking was that soon I would be like the others sharing details of my "irreconcilable differences." Painfully I accepted that I was about to be initiated as a new member into a club I had no desire to join.

"What am I doing here? Why is this happening to me?" Shocked and dumbfounded, I couldn't stop asking myself these questions over and over and over as I waited... and waited...and waited.

Since my case was an emergency, I was the last one to be called. Finally after everyone else had left, (a mere few hours later) it was my turn to approach the bench. Thankfully I didn't have to talk in front of an audience. I wasn't ready for that yet. Fortunately the judge approved my "TRO." A new court date was set for Monday, July 27, 2009 at 9:00 a.m.
That was it. Easier than I thought. My body slowly started to return to it's relaxed state.

My attorney then asked me what time to send a processor to my house to serve Dick with the "Papers." I told him that between 8:00 and 8:30 p.m. should be good. Instinctively my heart resumed pounding uncontrollably. I knew all hell would break loose later that evening.