The Longest Weekend

From that point on I wondered how I was going to be able to look Dick in the eye and not let on that I knew anything... let alone keep myself from causing him serious bodily harm. To say it wasn't easy is a gross understatement. Drawing on acting skills I learned at Tom Thumb Players when I was in fourth grade, I somehow managed to get through the weekend. Just to clarify, it's been a long time since I was in the fourth grade and acting wasn't really my thing.

Whenever I was around Dick, I wanted to grab him by the neck, shake him and demand to know why he did what he did, (especially when my mom was in the hospital) how he could be so cruel, heartless, mean-spirited, angry, bitter and underhanded. Instead, I did everything in my power to appear calm, cool and collected and not engage in any altercations that would arouse his suspicion. I had to behave like I knew nothing and everything was peachy. I didn't want him to panic and do any more than he already had done.

There were a few close calls. One happened on Sunday night. Things quickly escalated out of control when Dick started up with me about how much money I was spending on groceries. He went ballistic, yelling at me that I used to only go to the Jewel and Walmart. Now I'm going to Jewel, Whole Foods, Garden Fresh Market, Walmart and Sam's Club. I reminded him that there are four adults living in our house and we eat a lot of food. He told me that he is only putting so much money in the checkbook and I can't spend any more than what he is putting in and that I shouldn't use the charge card under any circumstances. He then went on to say that if I want to spend more money, I better get a job and pay for things myself. I asked my husband how much he earns a year. (He's a doctor who is employed in a busy practice and earns a decent living) For the past few years, he's kept his salary a secret from me. Dick also hasn't shown me any tax returns. Our taxes were filed electronically and the accountant must have used signatures he had on file. Dick refused to tell me what he earns. He went on to say I don't have a right to know because I'm not his wife. I told him that I am definitely his wife. He told me I'm not...only legally I am. I told him that is the only way that counts.

He then continued berating me, shouting, "It's impossible to have a conversation with you. You are a difficult person and if ten people would be lined up in this room they would all tell you how bizarre you are." Then he glared at me and said, "I have a big surprise for you." I looked back and as calmly as I could, I answered, "Nothing you do surprises me anymore."

At that point, my heart was pounding so rapidly and strongly I thought it would jump out of my chest and sprint as far away from there as possible. The rest of my body thought it was a great idea too, so I got my car keys, put on my shoes and decided to leave for awhile. Dick followed me to the door and nastily said to me, "What's the matter with you? Why can't you stay in the house like a normal person? You have to leave because you can't have a simple conversation. That's why you're so impossible to be around. Get out of here and don't come back."

Before I left, I kissed my daughter goodbye and told her I'd be back in a little bit. She was watching T.V. in the family room. Unfortunately this was a scene she's witnessed way too many times in her fifteen years of life.

I drove to a mall in my neighborhood, sat in my car, pulled out my cell phone and called my friends who somehow managed to calm me down. Then I went home and got ready for bed.
Thankfully the weekend was almost over.