Move over Nancy Drew. There's a new girl in town. You better watch out, Susie Cohen is making her debut as the undercover detective who stops at nothing to stay one step ahead of her two-timing, no good, deceptive, rotten louse of a soon-to-be-ex husband. (and that's putting it nicely) Honestly it's virtually impossible to stay one step ahead. How can I predict what Dick is going to do when he probably doesn't even know himself? Realistically I need to just stay vigilant so I'm not caught off guard and fall too many steps behind. How do I accomplish this? With very sophisticated espionage techniques I've picked up along the way.
As "James Bond-007" as that sounds, there's nothing advanced about what I do. It just sounds good and makes me feel better to say it. (Give me a break... I've had a rough few months here. I'm entitled to a little self-indulgence once in a while.) So what are my top-secret methods? I just rely on my gut instinct and follow whatever my inner voice tells me to do. It's worked great so far. Maybe one day the Discovery Channel will do a documentary about betrayed women like me and how we survive in our own versions of the wilderness we're trudging through, trying to exist day to day and fighting tooth and nail to make it out alive. Okay, enough of this melodramatic crap. Even I realize I'm going way overboard now.
In order to come out a "winner" in this divorce game, I need to uncover all the classified information that Dick is trying to hide from me. I have to stoop pretty low and dig down pretty deep. And I'm proud to admit that I do stoop very low these days. I need to know exactly what Dick is doing and is planning to do to protect myself and Marni. Or so I like to believe. This divorce has become a full time gig while simultaneously making me totally insane. I'm alert and on guard 24/7. Without a doubt, the longer this process drags on, the more I'm becoming an obsessed, neurotic, paranoid lunatic. (and that's on a good day!) If that's what it takes, so be it. I'm ready, willing and able to do whatever it takes to put Dick in his place. Look out world. The new and improved, tough little cookie Susie Cohen is ready for action.
From here on out, it's a fight to the finish. May the best woman (that would be me) win!!!"
Monday, December 14, 2009
Revenge Is Sweet
I was so incredibly proud of myself for what I just pulled off. When I stopped to think about it, this was an amazing coup. Not only did I get to confront "the other woman," but I did it in such a way that she had to have gone back and told Dick what happened. When she did, there was absolutely nothing he could say to me. (I would have loved to have heard the conversation that took place between the two of them after my call.) Following that, if he would have confronted me and told me that I should stay out of his business, my response would have been, "I don't know what you are talking about. You told me that you didn't recognize the name on the caller I.D. and it was a wrong number. Anything he could have possibly responded would have screwed him even further.
The beauty of the whole situation was that Juanita knew I knew all about her; Dick knew I knew all about them; they both had to deal with the fallout from my phone call; and I came out smelling like a rose. For the first time since this whole fiasco started, I was enjoying myself. My mom always told me, "When life gives you lemons, you have to make lemonade." I'll drink to that. Here's to the first of many!
The beauty of the whole situation was that Juanita knew I knew all about her; Dick knew I knew all about them; they both had to deal with the fallout from my phone call; and I came out smelling like a rose. For the first time since this whole fiasco started, I was enjoying myself. My mom always told me, "When life gives you lemons, you have to make lemonade." I'll drink to that. Here's to the first of many!
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Growing Balls... Hopefully Only Figuratively!!!
When I went back to Josh's room, ( my temporary abode) I immediately called back "the other woman." Her answering machine was on. "Thank goodness," I thought to myself, because if she would have picked up the phone, I really didn't know what I would have said to that *#@ch. I went back to bed attempting to get some rest. Who was I kidding. Could anyone honestly sleep after experiencing what I just did? The images kept replaying themselves over and over in my mind. I tossed and turned for what seemed like hours and hours. All that late-night aerobic activity was wearing me out. In my sleep-deprived state, I began to ponder what the caloric expenditure of restless sleep was and if any scientific studies were done on this. Maybe I stumbled on a new work-out plan. I made a mental note to investigate this further when time permitted. I could really be on to something. Anyway, at some point, without realizing it, I dozed off.
Jolted by the blaring music which usually reliably got me up on time, I was startled to see the time on the clock. Darn!!! I jumped out of bed, rushed into Marni's room, woke her up and told her that I overslept and would have to drive her to school so she wouldn't be late. While snarfing down our breakfast, I asked her if she heard the phone ring in the middle of the night. She told me she didn't, but informed me that my talking woke her up. Great! Not only did Dick's new main squeeze have the chutzpah to invade my space, now Marni was blaming ME for disturbing her sleep. I just can't catch a break.
Leaving the dishes in the sink, I rushed back upstairs in a dazed stupor to gather my purse and keys. Dick stepped out of the bedroom, looking very well rested and casually asked me why I was taking Marni to school. I told him that I was woken up by his friend's phone call at 1:00 in the morning and as a result, I wasn't able to sleep too well the rest of the night. He replied, "You mean the wrong number." I couldn't believe how cool and in control this guy was. "No, it was no wrong number unless you mean she called the home phone instead of your cell phone," I retorted, trying to match his level of arrogance. When am I ever going to learn not to fall prey to his attempts to engage me in conversation. It's never in my best interest.
After this brief tete a tete, the three of us made our way downstairs. Anxious to get me out of the house, my not-soon-enough-to-be ex practically pushed me out the door and locked it behind me. What was he trying to do? When I returned home, it became obvious. After I walked in the door, immediately I ran over to the phone in the family room and checked the caller ID. Just as I suspected, he deleted his girlfriend's information. What a sleaze ball. So much for the call being a wrong number. If that were true, he would have left the phone alone. It was a good thing I decided to write everything down the night before.
No time like the present to introduce myself to the "good doctor." My attempt proved futile. Once again greeted by her voice mail, I knew I needed to block my name and number from appearing on her phone, so she wouldn't know it was me calling. Not remembering how to do it, I decided to do a quick google search on the subject. In less time than it took to write this, I learned that if you dial *67 before the phone number, your personal information won't show up on the caller ID. (*Reading all those Nancy Drew mystery books when I was a pre-teen was finally paying off. Unfortunately my level of expertise as a sleuth was still at a juvenile level)
Like a tiger stalking it's prey, I watched and waited patiently for the ideal time to pounce. I went in for the kill the next evening. It was Saturday night. Marni was at a party. Dick was having dinner with a friend. I had the house all to myself for the next few hours. With shaking hands I dialed *67 and then her number. BINGO. It worked life a charm. She picked up the phone.
*"Dr. Corazone," she calmly announced. (*Her name has been changed to protect me!) "Juanita?" I asked, addressing her by her first name. There was silence at the other end. "Who," she asked. I couldn't believe she actually said that. Is she for real? "Isn't this Juanita Corazone?" I questioned again, developing a sudden surge of power. "Who is this," she queried. "This is Dick Cohen's wife." I firmly responded. "Who?' she repeated. "Your friend, Dick Cohen, the doctor from Chicago... his wife. Come on Juanita, you know exactly who he is," I stated forcefully and unemotionally. After a pregnant pause, she finally said, "I have nothing to say to you." "That's fine," I riposted. "There's something I have to say. You called my home at 1:00 in the morning last Thursday and woke my daughter and me up. Whatever you have to discuss with MY HUSBAND (technically he still is) please call him on his cell phone and not disturb my family." To that she replied, "He called me about a position out here and this is the number that appeared on my caller ID, so I just responded back to this number. There is a time difference between where I live and you do. That is why I called so late. I'm sorry." What a stupid, lying, cocky idiot, I thought to myself. I held everything back from saying to her, "What position were you two planning to discuss...missionary or doggy??? Actually, I wanted to share with Juanita that Dick's favorite position is standing in front of a mirror admiring himself, but she can discover that on her own. What kind of a fool did she take me for? (Okay I probably shouldn't even go there... after all, she is involved with my husband.) The reality is that NO professional would call so late at night to discuss business and if they didn't realize the time, they would have had the decency to respond when the person answering the phone kept repeating, Hello....Hello..Hello, instead of not saying a word. She was one unconvincing liar. No wonder she and Dick hit it off so well. They are like two peas in a pod. Controlling this conversation, I wrapped things up by saying, "In the future, whatever you need to discuss with MY Husband, please do so on his cell phone and not disturb my daughter and me. This is our home. Please respect that." She said that she would honor that request and we hung up.
Jolted by the blaring music which usually reliably got me up on time, I was startled to see the time on the clock. Darn!!! I jumped out of bed, rushed into Marni's room, woke her up and told her that I overslept and would have to drive her to school so she wouldn't be late. While snarfing down our breakfast, I asked her if she heard the phone ring in the middle of the night. She told me she didn't, but informed me that my talking woke her up. Great! Not only did Dick's new main squeeze have the chutzpah to invade my space, now Marni was blaming ME for disturbing her sleep. I just can't catch a break.
Leaving the dishes in the sink, I rushed back upstairs in a dazed stupor to gather my purse and keys. Dick stepped out of the bedroom, looking very well rested and casually asked me why I was taking Marni to school. I told him that I was woken up by his friend's phone call at 1:00 in the morning and as a result, I wasn't able to sleep too well the rest of the night. He replied, "You mean the wrong number." I couldn't believe how cool and in control this guy was. "No, it was no wrong number unless you mean she called the home phone instead of your cell phone," I retorted, trying to match his level of arrogance. When am I ever going to learn not to fall prey to his attempts to engage me in conversation. It's never in my best interest.
After this brief tete a tete, the three of us made our way downstairs. Anxious to get me out of the house, my not-soon-enough-to-be ex practically pushed me out the door and locked it behind me. What was he trying to do? When I returned home, it became obvious. After I walked in the door, immediately I ran over to the phone in the family room and checked the caller ID. Just as I suspected, he deleted his girlfriend's information. What a sleaze ball. So much for the call being a wrong number. If that were true, he would have left the phone alone. It was a good thing I decided to write everything down the night before.
No time like the present to introduce myself to the "good doctor." My attempt proved futile. Once again greeted by her voice mail, I knew I needed to block my name and number from appearing on her phone, so she wouldn't know it was me calling. Not remembering how to do it, I decided to do a quick google search on the subject. In less time than it took to write this, I learned that if you dial *67 before the phone number, your personal information won't show up on the caller ID. (*Reading all those Nancy Drew mystery books when I was a pre-teen was finally paying off. Unfortunately my level of expertise as a sleuth was still at a juvenile level)
Like a tiger stalking it's prey, I watched and waited patiently for the ideal time to pounce. I went in for the kill the next evening. It was Saturday night. Marni was at a party. Dick was having dinner with a friend. I had the house all to myself for the next few hours. With shaking hands I dialed *67 and then her number. BINGO. It worked life a charm. She picked up the phone.
*"Dr. Corazone," she calmly announced. (*Her name has been changed to protect me!) "Juanita?" I asked, addressing her by her first name. There was silence at the other end. "Who," she asked. I couldn't believe she actually said that. Is she for real? "Isn't this Juanita Corazone?" I questioned again, developing a sudden surge of power. "Who is this," she queried. "This is Dick Cohen's wife." I firmly responded. "Who?' she repeated. "Your friend, Dick Cohen, the doctor from Chicago... his wife. Come on Juanita, you know exactly who he is," I stated forcefully and unemotionally. After a pregnant pause, she finally said, "I have nothing to say to you." "That's fine," I riposted. "There's something I have to say. You called my home at 1:00 in the morning last Thursday and woke my daughter and me up. Whatever you have to discuss with MY HUSBAND (technically he still is) please call him on his cell phone and not disturb my family." To that she replied, "He called me about a position out here and this is the number that appeared on my caller ID, so I just responded back to this number. There is a time difference between where I live and you do. That is why I called so late. I'm sorry." What a stupid, lying, cocky idiot, I thought to myself. I held everything back from saying to her, "What position were you two planning to discuss...missionary or doggy??? Actually, I wanted to share with Juanita that Dick's favorite position is standing in front of a mirror admiring himself, but she can discover that on her own. What kind of a fool did she take me for? (Okay I probably shouldn't even go there... after all, she is involved with my husband.) The reality is that NO professional would call so late at night to discuss business and if they didn't realize the time, they would have had the decency to respond when the person answering the phone kept repeating, Hello....Hello..Hello, instead of not saying a word. She was one unconvincing liar. No wonder she and Dick hit it off so well. They are like two peas in a pod. Controlling this conversation, I wrapped things up by saying, "In the future, whatever you need to discuss with MY Husband, please do so on his cell phone and not disturb my daughter and me. This is our home. Please respect that." She said that she would honor that request and we hung up.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
The Plot Thickens
If you wait long enough, sometimes you get lucky and things start to reveal themselves . Or as Forest Gump classically said in the movie by the same name, "Stupid is as stupid does."
A few weeks after Dick threatened me to quit dragging out the divorce or I would see what would be left after the smoke clears, a very interesting thing happened. Or should I say another interesting thing happened. Yes... there really is never a dull moment in the Cohen home any more!!!
Dick is a known gadget junkie. He's like a little boy that always has to have a new toy to make himself happy. Having a Blackberry wasn't good enough for him. He needed the latest technology... the new phone that was hyped up for months and months as being far superior to the Blackberry. Needless to say, Dick was one of the first to purchase it.
Since we are now separated but still living in the same house, Dick decided he didn't need to share the news about his latest acquisition with me. (As he frequently reminds me, "We are getting a divorce. I don't have to tell you anything anymore.") However, one night, while I was in the bathroom in my bedroom (that Dick has now taken over since I moved into Josh's room), I heard a very strange noise. I couldn't figure out what it was. As it continued, I followed the sound to Dick's new phone which was charging up on his night stand. I guess the phone wanted to make its presence known to me.
There was a call coming in. I looked at the name and almost fainted. It was the women who I suspected was involved with Dick for quite some time. After doing my research on her a few months back, I discovered she resides on the west coast, is a medical professional with a very lucrative practice, is divorced and lives in a very affluent neighborhood. On the surface, she had everything Dick looks for in a woman...MONEY!!! What surprised me about her was her religious background and her nationality. Oh well...I guess you can't have everything in a relationship. At this stage of the game, what matters to Dick is they are compatible in the most meaningful way... she is financially well off and and he wants her to support him in the lifestyle he'd love to become accustomed to.
A few hours later I went down to the basement to put a load of clothes in the dryer. I noticed Dick down there, sitting on the couch, watching television and talking to someone on his new cell phone. Quietly and in a pleasing tone of voice (one I haven't heard since we were dating) he was telling someone about the high school Marni goes to and how well they prepare the kids for college. I thought to myself, "He better not be discussing MY daughter with THAT woman." When he realized I was in the room, he quickly scurried himself back up to his bedroom, locked the door and continued his conversation there in a hushed tone. His secretive, sneaky, rodent-like actions catapulted my healthy overactive imagination into high gear. Under normal circumstances, it puts in occasional overtime. With things the way they currently are, it's working 24/7. Although, can you really blame me?
Gosh darn it, my instincts were right on the money. At one o clock in the morning, I was woken up by the home phone ringing. I don't remember where I first learned this from, but it's common knowledge that any call after 10:00 pm is bad news. It's either a death, illness or other catastrophe call. At this late hour, I knew something was majorly wrong. After losing my father last year and with my mom's health iffy, I was preparing myself for the worst. I jumped out of bed, raced over to Josh's desk where the phone was and nervously glanced at the name on the caller ID before answering the call. I was mortified by what I read. It was HER last name. I let the phone ring a few times to see if Dick would answer it. He didn't... so I did. I said, "Hello." There was no answer but I could hear people speaking the foreign language I learned in grammar school and high school in the background. Angry at myself for not comprehending more of what I heard... after all this IS the second unofficial language in the United States...I strained to make sense of what was being said. Not making heads or tails of the background discussion, I decided to focus on the person who initiated the call in the first place.
"Hello....Hello....Hello, " I repeated a number of times without a response. Not getting any answer, I finally hung up. Quickly I wrote down the phone number and made my way to where Dick was sleeping. As I entered the room, I caught him putting our bedroom phone back in the cradle and attempting to get back into bed. Nailed that scumbag!!! "Does this name look familiar to you, " I said, as I advanced rapidly toward him displaying the lit up caller ID close to his face. He looked at it and nonchalantly said, "No." "Stop lying to me," I responded. Referring to her by her first name, even though only her last name appeared on the phone, I continued, "I know you are lying because **** called you on your cell phone earlier tonight. How stupid are you to give out our home phone number to this woman and how stupid is she to call our home, especially so late at night." He didn't answer me. He just laid there on the bed. He turned his face turned away from me and wouldn't say a single word.
It's worth repeating, "Stupid is as stupid does."
A few weeks after Dick threatened me to quit dragging out the divorce or I would see what would be left after the smoke clears, a very interesting thing happened. Or should I say another interesting thing happened. Yes... there really is never a dull moment in the Cohen home any more!!!
Dick is a known gadget junkie. He's like a little boy that always has to have a new toy to make himself happy. Having a Blackberry wasn't good enough for him. He needed the latest technology... the new phone that was hyped up for months and months as being far superior to the Blackberry. Needless to say, Dick was one of the first to purchase it.
Since we are now separated but still living in the same house, Dick decided he didn't need to share the news about his latest acquisition with me. (As he frequently reminds me, "We are getting a divorce. I don't have to tell you anything anymore.") However, one night, while I was in the bathroom in my bedroom (that Dick has now taken over since I moved into Josh's room), I heard a very strange noise. I couldn't figure out what it was. As it continued, I followed the sound to Dick's new phone which was charging up on his night stand. I guess the phone wanted to make its presence known to me.
There was a call coming in. I looked at the name and almost fainted. It was the women who I suspected was involved with Dick for quite some time. After doing my research on her a few months back, I discovered she resides on the west coast, is a medical professional with a very lucrative practice, is divorced and lives in a very affluent neighborhood. On the surface, she had everything Dick looks for in a woman...MONEY!!! What surprised me about her was her religious background and her nationality. Oh well...I guess you can't have everything in a relationship. At this stage of the game, what matters to Dick is they are compatible in the most meaningful way... she is financially well off and and he wants her to support him in the lifestyle he'd love to become accustomed to.
A few hours later I went down to the basement to put a load of clothes in the dryer. I noticed Dick down there, sitting on the couch, watching television and talking to someone on his new cell phone. Quietly and in a pleasing tone of voice (one I haven't heard since we were dating) he was telling someone about the high school Marni goes to and how well they prepare the kids for college. I thought to myself, "He better not be discussing MY daughter with THAT woman." When he realized I was in the room, he quickly scurried himself back up to his bedroom, locked the door and continued his conversation there in a hushed tone. His secretive, sneaky, rodent-like actions catapulted my healthy overactive imagination into high gear. Under normal circumstances, it puts in occasional overtime. With things the way they currently are, it's working 24/7. Although, can you really blame me?
Gosh darn it, my instincts were right on the money. At one o clock in the morning, I was woken up by the home phone ringing. I don't remember where I first learned this from, but it's common knowledge that any call after 10:00 pm is bad news. It's either a death, illness or other catastrophe call. At this late hour, I knew something was majorly wrong. After losing my father last year and with my mom's health iffy, I was preparing myself for the worst. I jumped out of bed, raced over to Josh's desk where the phone was and nervously glanced at the name on the caller ID before answering the call. I was mortified by what I read. It was HER last name. I let the phone ring a few times to see if Dick would answer it. He didn't... so I did. I said, "Hello." There was no answer but I could hear people speaking the foreign language I learned in grammar school and high school in the background. Angry at myself for not comprehending more of what I heard... after all this IS the second unofficial language in the United States...I strained to make sense of what was being said. Not making heads or tails of the background discussion, I decided to focus on the person who initiated the call in the first place.
"Hello....Hello....Hello, " I repeated a number of times without a response. Not getting any answer, I finally hung up. Quickly I wrote down the phone number and made my way to where Dick was sleeping. As I entered the room, I caught him putting our bedroom phone back in the cradle and attempting to get back into bed. Nailed that scumbag!!! "Does this name look familiar to you, " I said, as I advanced rapidly toward him displaying the lit up caller ID close to his face. He looked at it and nonchalantly said, "No." "Stop lying to me," I responded. Referring to her by her first name, even though only her last name appeared on the phone, I continued, "I know you are lying because **** called you on your cell phone earlier tonight. How stupid are you to give out our home phone number to this woman and how stupid is she to call our home, especially so late at night." He didn't answer me. He just laid there on the bed. He turned his face turned away from me and wouldn't say a single word.
It's worth repeating, "Stupid is as stupid does."
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Where There's Smoke... There's Fire
Dick is becoming quite the traveler. On Sunday, October 4th, he returned from yet another "business trip" to the west coast. Ever since I filed for divorce, these jaunts have become a regular deal. I'm still trying to figure out what kind of work requires him to get a body wax before he leaves and demands that he pack his swim suit, sun screen and tennis racket.
The following Tuesday evening, while I was in the kitchen washing the dinner dishes, Dick came up to me and asked if we could talk. He then added that he didn't want to argue with me. I asked what he wanted to discuss. He said, "Do you want to end this already or do you want to keep dragging this thing on and on? My attorney sent your attorney two requests for discovery and he didn't get any response. We could keep extending this 30 days here and 30 days there or we can end this right now if you will only cooperate with me." I replied, "You have the nerve to talk to me about dragging anything on and on when you placed numerous phone calls to your lawyer about a loaf of bread that wound up costing a small fortune." He said, "Forget the loaf of bread." I told him, "I can't forget that loaf of bread. You made quite an issue over nothing. If that is your answer, then this discussion is over. You have your attorney who is advising you and I have my attorney who is working with me. I have told you repeatedly that after you took the money out of our account behind my back, I have nothing more to discuss with you. As I've said many times already, I will only communicate with you via our lawyers." With that, I went upstairs. He came up right behind me and said, "You're impossible to talk to. " I went into Josh's room and closed the door. Marni was in her bedroom. Dick stood outside the door and yelled, "If that's the way you want it, you're going to see what's left when the smoke clears."
Thankfully the door was closed and he couldn't see how badly I was shaking. My heart was pounding so loudly, I'm surprised the neighbors didn't call complaining about the noise. Not daring to leave the room, I wondered what Marni was thinking as she listened to Dick's threat.
The following Tuesday evening, while I was in the kitchen washing the dinner dishes, Dick came up to me and asked if we could talk. He then added that he didn't want to argue with me. I asked what he wanted to discuss. He said, "Do you want to end this already or do you want to keep dragging this thing on and on? My attorney sent your attorney two requests for discovery and he didn't get any response. We could keep extending this 30 days here and 30 days there or we can end this right now if you will only cooperate with me." I replied, "You have the nerve to talk to me about dragging anything on and on when you placed numerous phone calls to your lawyer about a loaf of bread that wound up costing a small fortune." He said, "Forget the loaf of bread." I told him, "I can't forget that loaf of bread. You made quite an issue over nothing. If that is your answer, then this discussion is over. You have your attorney who is advising you and I have my attorney who is working with me. I have told you repeatedly that after you took the money out of our account behind my back, I have nothing more to discuss with you. As I've said many times already, I will only communicate with you via our lawyers." With that, I went upstairs. He came up right behind me and said, "You're impossible to talk to. " I went into Josh's room and closed the door. Marni was in her bedroom. Dick stood outside the door and yelled, "If that's the way you want it, you're going to see what's left when the smoke clears."
Thankfully the door was closed and he couldn't see how badly I was shaking. My heart was pounding so loudly, I'm surprised the neighbors didn't call complaining about the noise. Not daring to leave the room, I wondered what Marni was thinking as she listened to Dick's threat.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
My New Home Away From Home
September 23, 2009.
Back in court again. Today was a completely different experience from my previous visits there. Instead of appearing in front of our judge, Dick, his attorney, my attorney and I met in the courtroom conference room. The goal was to try to come to a temporary financial agreement. This was the first time I met Dick's attorney and the first time the four of us sat down together to talk. Even though they didn't have place cards at the table, it was obvious there was a seating arrangement planned for this occasion. I wondered if there were etiquette rules governing courtroom gatherings. Did Miss Manners develop socially accepted conduct for divorcing parties? On my side of the table was my attorney and me. Opposite us were Dick and his attorney. Dick sat facing my attorney and I sat looking at his. My charming husband and I were as far apart from each other as possible while still occupying the same space.
As soon as we got situated, Dick's attorney turned to him and said, "Don't you dare bring up the loaf of bread." Immediately, I smiled to myself as I realized how annoyed Dick's attorney must have been over his immature behavior. However, the humor was short lived as the rest of the meeting was no laughing matter.
During the course of the next few hours (yes, time flies even when you are not having fun), every time my lawyer proposed an offer to Dick, without batting an eye, he immediately refused. His attorney would then take Dick out into the hallway, discuss the matter and return. This meeting could have been an aerobic session for the two of them. That is how much they were up, down, in and out of the room. At one point, completely frustrated with him, Dick's attorney said, "I'm going to take him out in the hall and beat him up." I looked at him and said, "Promise?" Flustered , he looked at me and adamantly said, "No, I don't promise." During that sojourn out into the corridor, my lawyer looked at me and said, "He has no patience for him anymore." I thought to myself "How was I able to put up with this malarkey all these years?"
As time was going by and nothing was getting accomplished, Dick's attorney finally said, "If we don't come up with a reasonable solution soon, we're just going to present the case to the judge and let him decide. Not long after that comment, we worked out an arrangement. Dick had to give me more cash every two weeks to be used only for gas for my car and my entertainment expenses. Starting that day, Dick was required to pay for all of my other expenditures (something he has never done during our entire marriage). He was ordered to put enough money in the checkbook to cover all of Marni and my bills. Mad as all hell, he turned to my lawyer and said, "She needs to get a job like every one else and pay for these things herself." My lawyer gazed at him. Quietly and calmly he said, "We're trying to get Suzie the lifestyle she should have been living."
The order was written up, signed by all the parties and presented to the judge. We had to try this arrangement for 30 days to see how it would work out. I had my doubts that it would. I knew that Dick would probably spend down the money in the checkbook so I still wouldn't be able to buy what I needed. But I had to give it a shot. My lawyer told me that if things didn't work out, I wasn't bound to this agreement permanently just because I signed the document.
As I left the building to go home, I couldn't believe what I saw. Dick was withdrawing money from the cash machine near the entrance of the building. I had to do a double take to make sure I was seeing correctly. Dick was always unyielding in his stance against using ATM's. Yet here he was using one and he was no novice at it either. It became obvious to me now that he was hiding money in another account. Since there was a restraining order prohibiting him from taking money from the account which had our (supposedly) life savings, he definitely had access to a different source of funds. Where, how much and for how long were questions that were racing through my mind. With a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, the reality hit me that I had no clue who this person was that I was calling my husband all these years. What else was he doing behind my back that I'd be shocked to discover?
Back in court again. Today was a completely different experience from my previous visits there. Instead of appearing in front of our judge, Dick, his attorney, my attorney and I met in the courtroom conference room. The goal was to try to come to a temporary financial agreement. This was the first time I met Dick's attorney and the first time the four of us sat down together to talk. Even though they didn't have place cards at the table, it was obvious there was a seating arrangement planned for this occasion. I wondered if there were etiquette rules governing courtroom gatherings. Did Miss Manners develop socially accepted conduct for divorcing parties? On my side of the table was my attorney and me. Opposite us were Dick and his attorney. Dick sat facing my attorney and I sat looking at his. My charming husband and I were as far apart from each other as possible while still occupying the same space.
As soon as we got situated, Dick's attorney turned to him and said, "Don't you dare bring up the loaf of bread." Immediately, I smiled to myself as I realized how annoyed Dick's attorney must have been over his immature behavior. However, the humor was short lived as the rest of the meeting was no laughing matter.
During the course of the next few hours (yes, time flies even when you are not having fun), every time my lawyer proposed an offer to Dick, without batting an eye, he immediately refused. His attorney would then take Dick out into the hallway, discuss the matter and return. This meeting could have been an aerobic session for the two of them. That is how much they were up, down, in and out of the room. At one point, completely frustrated with him, Dick's attorney said, "I'm going to take him out in the hall and beat him up." I looked at him and said, "Promise?" Flustered , he looked at me and adamantly said, "No, I don't promise." During that sojourn out into the corridor, my lawyer looked at me and said, "He has no patience for him anymore." I thought to myself "How was I able to put up with this malarkey all these years?"
As time was going by and nothing was getting accomplished, Dick's attorney finally said, "If we don't come up with a reasonable solution soon, we're just going to present the case to the judge and let him decide. Not long after that comment, we worked out an arrangement. Dick had to give me more cash every two weeks to be used only for gas for my car and my entertainment expenses. Starting that day, Dick was required to pay for all of my other expenditures (something he has never done during our entire marriage). He was ordered to put enough money in the checkbook to cover all of Marni and my bills. Mad as all hell, he turned to my lawyer and said, "She needs to get a job like every one else and pay for these things herself." My lawyer gazed at him. Quietly and calmly he said, "We're trying to get Suzie the lifestyle she should have been living."
The order was written up, signed by all the parties and presented to the judge. We had to try this arrangement for 30 days to see how it would work out. I had my doubts that it would. I knew that Dick would probably spend down the money in the checkbook so I still wouldn't be able to buy what I needed. But I had to give it a shot. My lawyer told me that if things didn't work out, I wasn't bound to this agreement permanently just because I signed the document.
As I left the building to go home, I couldn't believe what I saw. Dick was withdrawing money from the cash machine near the entrance of the building. I had to do a double take to make sure I was seeing correctly. Dick was always unyielding in his stance against using ATM's. Yet here he was using one and he was no novice at it either. It became obvious to me now that he was hiding money in another account. Since there was a restraining order prohibiting him from taking money from the account which had our (supposedly) life savings, he definitely had access to a different source of funds. Where, how much and for how long were questions that were racing through my mind. With a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, the reality hit me that I had no clue who this person was that I was calling my husband all these years. What else was he doing behind my back that I'd be shocked to discover?
Friday, October 23, 2009
I'm Tired Of Playing This Game
Just as I had expected, my joyful, carefree relaxed feeling ended abruptly as soon as Dick came home following his jaunt. Without a doubt the ambiance of our home suddenly took on a cool, unwelcoming, unfriendly air. It was unmistakable. I've heard that people emit their own positive or negative energy fields. Dick's aura has to be in the sub-zero zone. Whenever I get too close to him, my blood turns to ice. Trust me, it's true. Experiencing it firsthand is uncanny.
Renewed, refreshed and recharged from his recent excursion, Dick was raring to go. He wasted no time in picking up where he left off prior to his departure. I knew things were too good to last. I just can't stand how brief the respite is between his unending, maniacal malicious attacks. I'm well aware that these bouts are his rush... his drug of choice. Putting others down, outsmarting someone else, getting away with something he shouldn't brings Dick to life. He craves this need for power and control. For far too long, I've been his favorite target, and an easy one at that. He knew he could do whatever he wanted to me and get away with it because he didn't have to account for his actions to anyone. Thankfully that's all changing now.
Throughout the years, I've often wondered what occurred in his childhood that would cause him to become such an angry, bitter, rage-filled, mean-spirited man. Always so secretive about his past, Dick built an impenetrable wall around himself that was impossible to scale. After a while I gave up trying and caring. To stay sane, I also built a protective fortress around myself. This relationship that the two of us shared required way too much energy, work and fortitude. It drained the life out of me. I was completely spent and I wanted and needed him and his venom out of my life. But I still had a long way to go before that would happen.
Like a preschooler, Dick loves to play games and makes up his own rules changing them at whim to guarantee he is always the winner. His latest escapade was to order me around with demands for food and other items that he expected me to buy for him with the money he was required to give to me. While he was busy conjuring up outlandish requests, I kept telling him if he wanted something, then he should have gone out and bought it himself. Without fail, this set off major verbal sparring matches. Neither one of us won and the level of communication, respect and civility declined several notches with each incident. Even though I was in the court and Dick was not, he adamantly tried to convince me that he knew exactly what the judge meant by ordering Dick to give me cash for spending money and my lawyer and I had totally misunderstood the situation. Luckily for me, he was more than happy to enlighten me.
And he tried to educate me on several occasions. There was one particular incident that took the cake for farcical behavior. Dick decided that he didn't care for the loaf of bread that I bought and in no uncertain terms, told me which bakery to go to, what variety I needed to find for him and when I should pick it up... because, as he put it, "That was what the judge ruled. I was supposed to buy all the food and necessities for the house with the money he gave me to do so." I outright refused. Dick was not used to me disobeying him. He went ballistic. Regardless, I stood my ground. I did not buy him what he wanted. As a means to retaliate, he placed umpteen phone calls to his lawyer regarding that loaf of bread. His legal fees for those repeated phone calls cost a a lot of dough. When all was said and done, he learned that I was supposed to have access to the checkbook all along. For the first time in his life, he was losing at his own game.
Renewed, refreshed and recharged from his recent excursion, Dick was raring to go. He wasted no time in picking up where he left off prior to his departure. I knew things were too good to last. I just can't stand how brief the respite is between his unending, maniacal malicious attacks. I'm well aware that these bouts are his rush... his drug of choice. Putting others down, outsmarting someone else, getting away with something he shouldn't brings Dick to life. He craves this need for power and control. For far too long, I've been his favorite target, and an easy one at that. He knew he could do whatever he wanted to me and get away with it because he didn't have to account for his actions to anyone. Thankfully that's all changing now.
Throughout the years, I've often wondered what occurred in his childhood that would cause him to become such an angry, bitter, rage-filled, mean-spirited man. Always so secretive about his past, Dick built an impenetrable wall around himself that was impossible to scale. After a while I gave up trying and caring. To stay sane, I also built a protective fortress around myself. This relationship that the two of us shared required way too much energy, work and fortitude. It drained the life out of me. I was completely spent and I wanted and needed him and his venom out of my life. But I still had a long way to go before that would happen.
Like a preschooler, Dick loves to play games and makes up his own rules changing them at whim to guarantee he is always the winner. His latest escapade was to order me around with demands for food and other items that he expected me to buy for him with the money he was required to give to me. While he was busy conjuring up outlandish requests, I kept telling him if he wanted something, then he should have gone out and bought it himself. Without fail, this set off major verbal sparring matches. Neither one of us won and the level of communication, respect and civility declined several notches with each incident. Even though I was in the court and Dick was not, he adamantly tried to convince me that he knew exactly what the judge meant by ordering Dick to give me cash for spending money and my lawyer and I had totally misunderstood the situation. Luckily for me, he was more than happy to enlighten me.
And he tried to educate me on several occasions. There was one particular incident that took the cake for farcical behavior. Dick decided that he didn't care for the loaf of bread that I bought and in no uncertain terms, told me which bakery to go to, what variety I needed to find for him and when I should pick it up... because, as he put it, "That was what the judge ruled. I was supposed to buy all the food and necessities for the house with the money he gave me to do so." I outright refused. Dick was not used to me disobeying him. He went ballistic. Regardless, I stood my ground. I did not buy him what he wanted. As a means to retaliate, he placed umpteen phone calls to his lawyer regarding that loaf of bread. His legal fees for those repeated phone calls cost a a lot of dough. When all was said and done, he learned that I was supposed to have access to the checkbook all along. For the first time in his life, he was losing at his own game.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)