Going Under Cover

Move over Nancy Drew. There's a new girl in town. You better watch out, Susie Cohen is making her debut as the undercover detective who stops at nothing to stay one step ahead of her two-timing, no good, deceptive, rotten louse of a soon-to-be-ex husband. (and that's putting it nicely) Honestly it's virtually impossible to stay one step ahead. How can I predict what Dick is going to do when he probably doesn't even know himself? Realistically I need to just stay vigilant so I'm not caught off guard and fall too many steps behind. How do I accomplish this? With very sophisticated espionage techniques I've picked up along the way.

As "James Bond-007" as that sounds, there's nothing advanced about what I do. It just sounds good and makes me feel better to say it. (Give me a break... I've had a rough few months here. I'm entitled to a little self-indulgence once in a while.) So what are my top-secret methods? I just rely on my gut instinct and follow whatever my inner voice tells me to do. It's worked great so far. Maybe one day the Discovery Channel will do a documentary about betrayed women like me and how we survive in our own versions of the wilderness we're trudging through, trying to exist day to day and fighting tooth and nail to make it out alive. Okay, enough of this melodramatic crap. Even I realize I'm going way overboard now.

In order to come out a "winner" in this divorce game, I need to uncover all the classified information that Dick is trying to hide from me. I have to stoop pretty low and dig down pretty deep. And I'm proud to admit that I do stoop very low these days. I need to know exactly what Dick is doing and is planning to do to protect myself and Marni. Or so I like to believe. This divorce has become a full time gig while simultaneously making me totally insane. I'm alert and on guard 24/7. Without a doubt, the longer this process drags on, the more I'm becoming an obsessed, neurotic, paranoid lunatic. (and that's on a good day!) If that's what it takes, so be it. I'm ready, willing and able to do whatever it takes to put Dick in his place. Look out world. The new and improved, tough little cookie Susie Cohen is ready for action.

From here on out, it's a fight to the finish. May the best woman (that would be me) win!!!"