Not knowing what to do, I immediately did what I always do when life throws me into a crisis situation. I took a Zanax. Then I called everyone I could think of who I knew could offer me good advice. In the matter of a few hours, with the help of my "team of advisers," I discovered that my husband was planning to file for divorce and had probably already consulted an attorney. Because I had the presence of mind to get a copy of the final transaction from the bank, I saw that Dick had withdrawn $5,000 (the usual amount for a retainer) on one day and closed the account a few days later. It quickly became clear as a bell that my husband was busy preparing to make a lifestyle change.
At this point it seems like a good time to share a little bit about what I've been dealing with lately.To put it mildly, 2009 was definitely not turning out to be my year. For that matter, 2008, 2007 or 2006 weren't anything to write home about either. My father passed away on September 14, 2008. He lived 94 years. Even though he enjoyed a long, and for the most part, a very good life, the last few years were very hard, painful and sad. Being "Daddy's Little Girl," I had an extremely difficult time watching the man that I loved with all my heart slowly deteriorate and slip away before my very eyes. On top of that, my mom had a very hard time dealing with losing her husband, best friend and soul mate. In fact, while my husband was busy at the bank and at the lawyer's office, my mom was in the hospital.
Like I said... 2009 was not turning out to be my year.
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Going from "I Do" To "I Don't Want To Anymore!"
They say you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet Prince Charming. It's obvious to me now that when I accepted Dick's marriage proposal, I hopped out of the pond way to early. Now all I want to do is croak.
I've been looking forward to getting a divorce for a long time.... 26 years to be exact. Actually the thought of ending my marriage came to me as I walked down the aisle to say "I do." This was definitely not a match made in heaven, nor was it one I ever wanted. However I was in the minority and it appeared that my vote didn't count or matter. My parents thought that Dick was the right one for me, his parents agreed and Dick wanted to marry me because my dad owned a real estate office. He thought he was marrying into money and would be living on "Easy Street."
Boy was my new husband in for a shocker. As unbelievable as this may sound, my in laws misread my dad's business card. It clearly stated that his office was a member of several multiple listing services and there were over 3,000 salespeople in the MLS. My new relatives excitedly thought my dad had all these individuals working for him and we were loaded. It's amazing what comes out after the honeymoon. Didn't they realize my last name was not Trump?
By the same token, my parents looked at Dick as someone who fit the criteria of what many Jewish parents stereotypically envision for their daughters "perfect mate for life" ... he was a handsome Jewish doctor. In their eyes, it didn't get much better than this.
In my eyes, it didn't get much worse. Aside from the fact that I didn't love him, he was a very controlling, manipulative, abusive individual. That was how I wound up getting engaged and married to someone I knew wasn't the right one for me.
You might wonder why I stayed in a marriage that I was so miserable in for so long. The reasons were several. Fear was a big one. My two children were another. Giving up my career as a health professional to raise them was another. Having no source of income as a result was another. Being in a horrible car accident when my daughter was six months old and suffering permanent neuro-muscular damage was another. Not having a family that would help me end it was another. But the major reason I stayed was because my husband alienated me from others, belittled and berated me, made me dependent on him financially, wore me down emotionally and mentally and threatened me constantly that if I thought being married to him was bad, I should just wait and see what would happen if I tried to divorce him. He would make sure that I wound up with nothing.
I can tell you that without a doubt he is doing everything in his power to make that a reality.
I've been looking forward to getting a divorce for a long time.... 26 years to be exact. Actually the thought of ending my marriage came to me as I walked down the aisle to say "I do." This was definitely not a match made in heaven, nor was it one I ever wanted. However I was in the minority and it appeared that my vote didn't count or matter. My parents thought that Dick was the right one for me, his parents agreed and Dick wanted to marry me because my dad owned a real estate office. He thought he was marrying into money and would be living on "Easy Street."
Boy was my new husband in for a shocker. As unbelievable as this may sound, my in laws misread my dad's business card. It clearly stated that his office was a member of several multiple listing services and there were over 3,000 salespeople in the MLS. My new relatives excitedly thought my dad had all these individuals working for him and we were loaded. It's amazing what comes out after the honeymoon. Didn't they realize my last name was not Trump?
By the same token, my parents looked at Dick as someone who fit the criteria of what many Jewish parents stereotypically envision for their daughters "perfect mate for life" ... he was a handsome Jewish doctor. In their eyes, it didn't get much better than this.
In my eyes, it didn't get much worse. Aside from the fact that I didn't love him, he was a very controlling, manipulative, abusive individual. That was how I wound up getting engaged and married to someone I knew wasn't the right one for me.
You might wonder why I stayed in a marriage that I was so miserable in for so long. The reasons were several. Fear was a big one. My two children were another. Giving up my career as a health professional to raise them was another. Having no source of income as a result was another. Being in a horrible car accident when my daughter was six months old and suffering permanent neuro-muscular damage was another. Not having a family that would help me end it was another. But the major reason I stayed was because my husband alienated me from others, belittled and berated me, made me dependent on him financially, wore me down emotionally and mentally and threatened me constantly that if I thought being married to him was bad, I should just wait and see what would happen if I tried to divorce him. He would make sure that I wound up with nothing.
I can tell you that without a doubt he is doing everything in his power to make that a reality.
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