Planning Ahead...

Recently I received an e-mail from Josh. After opening it up, the first thing that caught my eye was that Dick received a copy too. Before I delved into the content of the correspondence, I was suddenly struck by the miracle of modern technology. It was absolutely mind boggling to think that a child could communicate with his mom and dad simultaneously without actually conversing with either one, and on top of that, both parents would be aware that the other was included in the discussion. The three of us could chat without ever having to look each other in the eye, be in the same room or respond when addressed. How remarkable is that? Okay, I totally digressed here. I realize that this isn't something most people would contemplate upon receiving a letter from their child. However, being in the middle of a nasty divorce, I definitely was impressed by the significance, irony and beauty of this.

So getting back to the e-mail, Josh informed us that his graduation weekend was swiftly approaching. He took the liberty of making reservations for the four of us at several restaurants; one on Friday night, (the evening before graduation) another for lunch following the commencement ceremonies on Saturday morning and the third for dinner on Saturday night. He made it clear that he wanted our family to all be together for this major milestone in his life. Since he had to leave a deposit at all of the establishments, he needed both of us to let him know as soon as possible if these plans would work for us. If not, he would have to make adjustments right away. After all, his money was at stake here. Josh didn't want to be on the losing end of anything else in his life, especially cash. Did I mention that he is majoring in Finance and Operations... and that he is in the Honors program at the Business School?

Immediately I responded to Josh and told him that he can count Marni and me in . I said how happy I was that he made these arrangements and his sister and I were looking forward to the festivities. I thanked him for taking care of the plans and how excited I was for his upcoming graduation. Not wanting to go overboard, I held back from including a few lyrics from Sunrise Sunset. Is this the little boy I carried...

In addition to being immensely proud of Josh for taking charge of and handling everything on his own, I was secretly relieved that he did so. Since "The War" broke out, I wondered, worried and writhed about how this momentous occasion would play itself out. As far as I was concerned, this should be a time for a ceasefire. For our kids' sake, and in everyone's best interest, Dick and I need to "put down our weapons," call a temporary truce, show a united front and be civil and friendly during Graduation Weekend. Afterward, when we will once again be renewed, refreshed and revitalized, we could resume combat. Yes, this made perfect sense. For the first time in a long time, a feeling of euphoria came over me. I was thrilled that in spite of the turmoil we were all living with, Josh would have what he deeply desired and deserved: celebrating his college graduation with his family--- all together peacefully and joyously for what would be probably one of the last times--- if not THE last time.

Unfortunately, that thought and fantasy died quickly.

The next day when Dick came home from work , he was in a dither. He approached me and told me that he needed to speak with me. (Never a good sign!) Dick then proceeded to inform me that he had a long talk with Josh earlier in the day. Apparently Dick was caught completely off-guard by the e-mail. Why, I don't know! For some strange reason, he was shocked that Marni and I were planning on attending the graduation. Honestly, did he really think I wouldn't be at my only son's college graduation? The truth is, I know that is exactly what he thought, hoped and prayed for. Then he could gloat and tell everyone what a horrible mom I was for missing such an important occasion and how he was the "parent extraordinaire." When the reality set in that Marni and I were going, the conversation convoluted down a new twisted path. Dick made it clear that Marni was not staying both nights in the hotel with me, nor would she be driving with me in both directions. As he put it, "You are not taking precedence over her. She will spend equal time with both of us and you will take her to the university and she will spend Friday night in the hotel with you and then she will spend Saturday night in the hotel with me and I will drive her home on Sunday." On top of that, he declared that he made it clear to Josh and now he was doing the same with me, (so there would be no misunderstanding at the graduation), that he would pay for his and the kids' meals and I would have to pay for my own. There was no way that he would cover any of my expenses. How I would pay for the weekend would be my problem. He was not giving me a dime. Without missing an opportunity to throw in yet another dig, he finished his diatribe with, "Go get a job like everyone else and quit mooching off of me." Then he walked away. As usual, there was no discussion. This was what he wanted and this was how it was going to be.

I was in a state of shock and totally livid. What I just heard was completely incomprehensible. How could he be such a nasty, completely deranged SOB? Attempting to soothe my wounded soul, I imagined running after him, grabbing him by his neck and strangling the living daylights out of him. To finish him off, I pictured myself beating him, relentlessly pounding out all the pain he inflicted on me throughout our long, bitter marriage. Then I would watch him die a slow, painful death.

Wait! What was I thinking??? I quickly came back to my senses. An image of me spending the rest of my life in jail flashed before my eyes. Not only was he not worth destroying my future over; but, drab, shapeless prison jumpsuits don't do a thing for my figure. So I quickly banished those ideas from my mind. Well... I didn't actually eradicate those concepts from my psyche. I just chose to file them away until further notice.