Special Delivery

On Sunday, February 28, 2010, I believe that history was made at our house. On that particular day, we were probably the only people in the United States to receive mail delivery. More specifically, I was the "chosen" one who was honored in this special way. Not only did I discover an envelope addressed to me in my mailbox, but it was also opened and left unsealed. You can't begin to imagine how fortunate and blessed I felt that someone cared so much about me and wanted to make my life, my birthday and my weekend easier by previewing my mail and getting it ready for me. After all, had my envelope been left alone, I could have received a nasty paper cut... or possibly much worse... when I went to retrieve the contents. These days one can't be too careful. You never know who could have sprinkled a little Anthrax inside. I should have thanked my lucky stars to have been the recipient of such attentive service.

If I were delusional, stupid or incompetent, I might have. Instead, I was reeling over Dick's latest shtick. This being my birthday weekend, he was going above and beyond his usual antics. Heavens forbid I should have a few days of peace and enjoy myself without him making my life a living hell. Opening my mail, reading it and putting it back in the mailbox on a day when there was no mail delivery, was not only mean, irritating, childish and vengeful, it was a crime. Mail tampering is a federal offense. Dick needed to be stopped and finally put in his place.

The next day, Monday, March 1, 2010, there were more postal surprises to deal with. Our mail receptacle is a square wooden box affixed to the inside our garage wall. An opening outside of the building is where incoming mail is deposited. If we are lucky, all the parcels land in the box and not all over the garage floor. For the most part, the letters tossed in wind up somewhere in the middle of the bottom of the receptacle. On this particular day, a few letters were neatly lined up flush against the far surface of the container. If one did not look carefully, they would have easily been missed. Now I can assure you, this was not the work of our friendly neighborhood mail person. The odds of all those envelopes landing in the formation they were discovered in were probably infinity to one. As sure as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, this mail was strategically and methodically placed in this position. It wouldn't take too many guesses as to who carried out this feat. The question is, "What would possess Dick to do something like this?" And the appropriate follow-question to this would be, "Doesn't he have anything better to do with himself?" At times like this, it's hard to believe that Dick is a doctor. You'd think he'd be concentrating on saving lives (or at least in his case, keeping his patients more comfortable) instead of continuously scheming on how to destroy mine. Obviously, his priorities are a little skewed.

When I checked to see what was delivered, I was shocked at what I discovered. A bill from my credit card company was opened and resealed. In addition, a letter from our mediator addressed to me was tampered with and mail addressed to Marni was already opened as well.
This was going way too far. I called the post office, spoke with a manager and explained to him what I discovered. I didn't mention that I thought Dick was doing this. While he was my primary suspect, I was only going on an assumption that he was the likely culprit.

I was told to save the envelopes as evidence and call the police to report this as a "suspicious occurrence." I was happy to oblige.