New Year's Eve is always an exciting time for me. Even though it is just another night, symbolically it represents a fresh start, a clean slate and a chance to make positive, healthy changes. With everything going on in my life, I was anxious for 2009 to end and 2010 to begin. Let's face it, this hasn't exactly been a period in my life that I would want to continue ad nauseam. However, ever since college, I always looked forward to the parties, the friends and the hoopla of bidding farewell to the old and welcoming in the new. For the past several years, we gathered at a good friend of Dick's home, had appetizers, dinner, dessert, socialized and around 11:00 would gather around the television to watch the annual Dick Clark New Year's Eve event in New York City and start the festivities as the ball dropped in Times Square. Then the show switched to parties at various locales around Chicago and the next hour would miraculously fly by till the countdown for us would begin. Party hats were adorned, blowers were passed out, champagne was poured and as we all yelled in unison: Ten...Nine...Eight...Seven...Six...Five...Four...Three..Two...One....HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
we immediately followed this up with hugs, kisses and a toast for a wonderful new year filled with all of life's greatest gifts. When things started to really turn sour between Dick and me, we both dreaded that final countdown because we would have to give each other the customary peck on the cheek even though both of us would have preferred to take a pass.
In early December, I knew that Dick and Juanita would be celebrating this holiday together in her neck of the woods so I started hinting to Marni that she should have a party at our house. At first she balked at the idea, claiming that her friends would want to be with their families. Then a few weeks later, she said that one of her friends was thinking of having a gathering at her house. I told Marni if those plans fell through, she was welcome to have everyone at our place. Secretly I was hoping that would happen. My motive was somewhat selfish. I didn't have anywhere to go and I didn't want to be home alone, feeling sorry for myself and thinking of what Dick and Juanita might possibly be doing. Nor did I want to wallow in depression or self pity. As it turned out, my wish came true and our house was going to be "Party Central."
It was good to have something fun to look forward to. Getting into the holiday spirit, I began planning and shopping for the first party that the Cohen family hosted in as long as I can remember. This year, especially, I wanted to welcome in the new year with our house filled with happiness, laughter, fun, friends (okay Marni's friends) and a fresh beginning. I bought festive decorations, plates, napkins, silverware, non-alcoholic sparkling grape cider and plastic fluted wine glasses. Marni and I planned the menu and her friends all offered to bake desserts. Everything was positive and upbeat until Marni told Dick about her upcoming event. He went berserk, threatening her that if anything was broken or ruined, her friends and she would have to pay for the damages. (What a guy!!!) Being the control freak that he is, Dick barked out orders of what shouldn't be moved or touched. As it turned out, he left in the middle of the afternoon on December 31 and told Marni that he was going away for a business opportunity. As Josh drove him to the airport, Marni and I got the basement decorated, set the table, put out the appetizers and drinks and totally ignored Dick's demands. It felt so good to be in charge and disregard the orders left by my soon-to-be-ex.
The party turned out to be a complete success. In fact, half the girls stayed overnight and didn't leave until the following afternoon. A good friend of mine, invited Josh, Marni and me to come over for a New Year's Day dinner and birthday party for another one of our friends. Josh, who was out all night with his college pals, took a pass, but Marni and I went and enjoyed another evening of festivities. All in all, it was a wonderful start to a new year, a new beginning and a new tradition.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Done In By The Jersey Boys
The first week in December, there was a change in Dick and Juanita's normal routine. Instead of him flying out to see her, she came to our fair city of Chicago for a visit. They couldn't have picked a better time for their little soiree. Marni was going to Wisconsin for the weekend on a school field trip. On the Wednesday night before she left, Dick told Marni that he would be in Chicago for a conference from Thursday through Sunday so he wouldn't be home to wish her a good trip before she left. I wondered if Marni bought what Dick was telling her. We live only about 45 minutes north of the city and his attending an event downtown wouldn't warrant a hotel stay. Whether she thought something was fishy or not, she never said. I, on the other hand knew what was going on.
Dick bought Juanita a round-trip airline ticket costing close to $800. I also believed that he booked a room for the two of them at a Marriott in a suburb near O'Hare airport but I wanted to be sure. That Friday, in the late afternoon, I telephoned the hotel and asked to be connected to Dick Cohen's room. I was told that no one had checked in under that name. So faining confusion I said, "Oh I'm so sorry, I don't know what I'm thinking . The reservation must be under Corazone." The desk clerk told me that they indeed had a party by that name registered and proceeded to forward my call to the room. This was like deja vu... once again my heart was racing as I placed a call to Juanita. The phone rang and rang and finally voice mail picked up. I had no plans of leaving a message. I just wanted to confirm what I suspected. At that point, instinctively I realized my suspicion that Dick had also purchased tickets for the two of them to see The Jersey Boys on Saturday night was true. Ever since the performance came to town everyone who saw it raved about it and encouraged Dick and me to see it. I brought it up to him several times, saying how much we would enjoy it but he totally ignored me. When I discovered that he and Juanita were seeing it, this "affair" took on a whole new meaning for me. I felt like a knife was just stabbed into my heart, twisted back and forth and in and out until the damage was irreparable. While Dick wasn't aware that I knew about his little getaway, the fact that he was seeing this play with another woman was simply one of his ploys of throwing more salt on an already open and oozing wound.
As crazy as it sounds, my mentality up to that point was "out of sight, out of mind." In other words, "what happens on the west coast, stays on the west coast." I think some sort of defense mechanism kicked in to protect me from all the shock I was dealing with and allowed me to go through the motions of handling the divorce as best as I could. I knew Dick had a relationship with another woman. I had seen Juanita's photo on the Internet, (what respectable doctor has a My Space page, uploads a sexy picture of herself and writes she is looking to meet men in her upscale suburb???). Even after she and I had our "friendly" little phone chat, as goofy as this may seem, their relationship didn't feel real to me until I found out about The Jersey Boys tickets. All of a sudden, this was happening in my own backyard. It wasn't an abstract concept anymore. I could potentially run into the two of them anywhere and come face to face with the live image of what up till that point my imagination was conjuring up. Then the devastation of the whole situation struck me like a major earthquake severing the ground, collapsing every standing structure in its' path and trapping innocent victims in the rubble (the kids and me being the first casualties). The magnitude of this disaster was immeasurable. It was off the Richter scale. Why? Because Dick was in fast-forward mode. We were in the divorcing process. He was taking action to move on with his life. In the past, he tormented me by carrying on with other women, justifying his actions to his narcissistic mind and to me as well, that he had a right to be with them because he wasn't attracted to me, I wasn't a good wife, I didn't turn him on, etc., etc., etc. To make matters worse, these broads always came across like I was the one who was interfering with their relationship even though Dick and I were the couple. But, during those sporadic interludes, he never considered tearing apart our family and starting over with someone else.He always apologized and said we should work things out for the kids sake. This time he's raring to go and taking the necessary steps to ensure it will happen for real. It's going to take a lifetime of counseling to try to heal all the emotional and mental suffering he inflicted on me throughout our long, abusive marriage.
Until The Jersey Boys incident, I was numb. I think it was nature's way of anesthetizing me to life and allowing me to wake up each and every morning to my own personal equivalent of daily 9/11 attacks and keep functioning in the face of complete shock and devastation. When I confronted Juanita on the phone a short time back, I remember feeling like I was having an out- of-body experience. None of it seemed real. I went through the motions. but it couldn't possibly be happening to me. In fact, after the fact, I often described that encounter to others saying that I could have starred on Desperate Housewives and often joked that The Cohens could be a new addition to Wisteria Lane. We would fit right in with all the other drama on the show.
But this isn't a nighttime soap. This is reality. When I was a little girl and dreamed of growing up, getting married and raising a family, my vision always looked like a scene from Leave It To Beaver. How I wound up cast in Psycho instead is beyond me.
Dick bought Juanita a round-trip airline ticket costing close to $800. I also believed that he booked a room for the two of them at a Marriott in a suburb near O'Hare airport but I wanted to be sure. That Friday, in the late afternoon, I telephoned the hotel and asked to be connected to Dick Cohen's room. I was told that no one had checked in under that name. So faining confusion I said, "Oh I'm so sorry, I don't know what I'm thinking . The reservation must be under Corazone." The desk clerk told me that they indeed had a party by that name registered and proceeded to forward my call to the room. This was like deja vu... once again my heart was racing as I placed a call to Juanita. The phone rang and rang and finally voice mail picked up. I had no plans of leaving a message. I just wanted to confirm what I suspected. At that point, instinctively I realized my suspicion that Dick had also purchased tickets for the two of them to see The Jersey Boys on Saturday night was true. Ever since the performance came to town everyone who saw it raved about it and encouraged Dick and me to see it. I brought it up to him several times, saying how much we would enjoy it but he totally ignored me. When I discovered that he and Juanita were seeing it, this "affair" took on a whole new meaning for me. I felt like a knife was just stabbed into my heart, twisted back and forth and in and out until the damage was irreparable. While Dick wasn't aware that I knew about his little getaway, the fact that he was seeing this play with another woman was simply one of his ploys of throwing more salt on an already open and oozing wound.
As crazy as it sounds, my mentality up to that point was "out of sight, out of mind." In other words, "what happens on the west coast, stays on the west coast." I think some sort of defense mechanism kicked in to protect me from all the shock I was dealing with and allowed me to go through the motions of handling the divorce as best as I could. I knew Dick had a relationship with another woman. I had seen Juanita's photo on the Internet, (what respectable doctor has a My Space page, uploads a sexy picture of herself and writes she is looking to meet men in her upscale suburb???). Even after she and I had our "friendly" little phone chat, as goofy as this may seem, their relationship didn't feel real to me until I found out about The Jersey Boys tickets. All of a sudden, this was happening in my own backyard. It wasn't an abstract concept anymore. I could potentially run into the two of them anywhere and come face to face with the live image of what up till that point my imagination was conjuring up. Then the devastation of the whole situation struck me like a major earthquake severing the ground, collapsing every standing structure in its' path and trapping innocent victims in the rubble (the kids and me being the first casualties). The magnitude of this disaster was immeasurable. It was off the Richter scale. Why? Because Dick was in fast-forward mode. We were in the divorcing process. He was taking action to move on with his life. In the past, he tormented me by carrying on with other women, justifying his actions to his narcissistic mind and to me as well, that he had a right to be with them because he wasn't attracted to me, I wasn't a good wife, I didn't turn him on, etc., etc., etc. To make matters worse, these broads always came across like I was the one who was interfering with their relationship even though Dick and I were the couple. But, during those sporadic interludes, he never considered tearing apart our family and starting over with someone else.He always apologized and said we should work things out for the kids sake. This time he's raring to go and taking the necessary steps to ensure it will happen for real. It's going to take a lifetime of counseling to try to heal all the emotional and mental suffering he inflicted on me throughout our long, abusive marriage.
Until The Jersey Boys incident, I was numb. I think it was nature's way of anesthetizing me to life and allowing me to wake up each and every morning to my own personal equivalent of daily 9/11 attacks and keep functioning in the face of complete shock and devastation. When I confronted Juanita on the phone a short time back, I remember feeling like I was having an out- of-body experience. None of it seemed real. I went through the motions. but it couldn't possibly be happening to me. In fact, after the fact, I often described that encounter to others saying that I could have starred on Desperate Housewives and often joked that The Cohens could be a new addition to Wisteria Lane. We would fit right in with all the other drama on the show.
But this isn't a nighttime soap. This is reality. When I was a little girl and dreamed of growing up, getting married and raising a family, my vision always looked like a scene from Leave It To Beaver. How I wound up cast in Psycho instead is beyond me.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
The Pair Of Docs...
What a paradox this "pair of docs" have become. Dick is head over heels in love...with other peoples' money that is. He always has been and always will be. For as long as I've known him, he's had a knack for sniffing out individuals who had money and befriending them. He figured out how much they had,(or at least he thought he did) how lucky they were to have it, and most important of all, he obsessively brainstormed about the various ways he could get a piece of the pie. As I said before, he thought I was his ticket to "the good life." When he learned the hard (and now the expensive) way that was not the case, he immediately turned off the charm, and let his true colors shine through. And from extensive personal experience, I can vouch for the fact that those colors ain't pretty. They're downright putrid. For several years, he even had the audacity to tell me that I always said to him, "You marry me, you marry rich." Of course, that never happened. I never believed my family had any money nor would I tell him we did. When he would say this phrase to me, chills would go up and down my spine and I would get sick to my stomach. This guy I married had a sick, twisted mind. Over the years, he proved me correct. So when I figured out he was seeing Juanita, without knowing too much about her, I was certain that she had a healthy bank account. Seeing smiling men on the faces of paper money specifically on bills with several zeros on them, always brings out the best in Dick. Especially when they belong to single women looking for a mate. Dick would do anything to get into her pants and ultimately into her savings.
From what I'm piecing together, Dick is pulling out all the stops to make Juanita his next bride and she is catching the bait, hook, line and sinker. Since I filed for divorce, Juanita has a new monthly visitor, in addition to her regular one ... assuming "Aunt Flo" still pays regular visits (and I would venture to say that she does, since Dick, who talks to her every night on his cell phone, loudly enough for the whole neighborhood to hear, reminded her one night to take something before she took her evening shower, then chuckled at a comment she had made, and ended that conversation with , "I love you too." ) Every four weeks, or so, Dick has been flying out to be with Juanita. He leaves on Thursday afternoons and returns on Sunday afternoons. During their brief interludes together, thousands of dollars are spent on heavens knows what. I can't even imagine where they could possibly be going or what they could be doing. (I do know how much he is taking with him in cash because this amount is unaccountable from his paychecks) He tells Marni he is going away on "business." When I ask him if he is going out of town, his answer to me is that we are getting a divorce, he can do whatever he wants and he doesn't have to tell me anything anymore.
Lover Boy is acting like he's got money to burn. He's trying to impress Juanita with what he doesn't have so she will think she's hitting the jackpot by falling in love with a wealthy doctor who lives this flamboyantly all the time. One day she'll wake up and see the phony baloney for who he really is. By then, I should be free of Dick and she can find out what a wonderful catch he really is. Throughout our whole marriage, Dick was a tightwad, even with MY money. When we first got married, he bought a small practice that he hoped to build up. I worked at a hospital in Chicago and gave him spending money out of my paychecks. One day, about a month after we married, I told Dick I was going out to buy myself a dress. He went ballistic, yelling that there is no money for me to spend on clothes for myself. A mammoth argument resulted. I went out and bought what I wanted anyway but I also came home with a lot of needless guilt. The pattern for the next 26 years was set. In addition to not wanting to spend a penny on me, after we bought our townhouse, he argued, insisted and eventually brainwashed me to believe we didn't have the funds to spend to fix the place up or replace appliances, windows, carpeting, etc when they wore out or became outdated. These sanctions never applied to himself. For some reason, even though he kept insisting how dire our financial circumstances were, every two to three years, money miraculously materialized for him to buy the latest, fully loaded Mercedes or Lexus. So, while we're sitting on torn chairs which were part of our original kitchen set, freezing in a home with rotted out windows, living with outdated, worn carpeting, window coverings, wallpaper and appliances, washing dishes by hand because our dishwasher broke several years ago, Dr. Dick is investing our money on what he feels are worthwhile commodities: himself and his meal ticket to a new life.
From what I'm piecing together, Dick is pulling out all the stops to make Juanita his next bride and she is catching the bait, hook, line and sinker. Since I filed for divorce, Juanita has a new monthly visitor, in addition to her regular one ... assuming "Aunt Flo" still pays regular visits (and I would venture to say that she does, since Dick, who talks to her every night on his cell phone, loudly enough for the whole neighborhood to hear, reminded her one night to take something before she took her evening shower, then chuckled at a comment she had made, and ended that conversation with , "I love you too." ) Every four weeks, or so, Dick has been flying out to be with Juanita. He leaves on Thursday afternoons and returns on Sunday afternoons. During their brief interludes together, thousands of dollars are spent on heavens knows what. I can't even imagine where they could possibly be going or what they could be doing. (I do know how much he is taking with him in cash because this amount is unaccountable from his paychecks) He tells Marni he is going away on "business." When I ask him if he is going out of town, his answer to me is that we are getting a divorce, he can do whatever he wants and he doesn't have to tell me anything anymore.
Lover Boy is acting like he's got money to burn. He's trying to impress Juanita with what he doesn't have so she will think she's hitting the jackpot by falling in love with a wealthy doctor who lives this flamboyantly all the time. One day she'll wake up and see the phony baloney for who he really is. By then, I should be free of Dick and she can find out what a wonderful catch he really is. Throughout our whole marriage, Dick was a tightwad, even with MY money. When we first got married, he bought a small practice that he hoped to build up. I worked at a hospital in Chicago and gave him spending money out of my paychecks. One day, about a month after we married, I told Dick I was going out to buy myself a dress. He went ballistic, yelling that there is no money for me to spend on clothes for myself. A mammoth argument resulted. I went out and bought what I wanted anyway but I also came home with a lot of needless guilt. The pattern for the next 26 years was set. In addition to not wanting to spend a penny on me, after we bought our townhouse, he argued, insisted and eventually brainwashed me to believe we didn't have the funds to spend to fix the place up or replace appliances, windows, carpeting, etc when they wore out or became outdated. These sanctions never applied to himself. For some reason, even though he kept insisting how dire our financial circumstances were, every two to three years, money miraculously materialized for him to buy the latest, fully loaded Mercedes or Lexus. So, while we're sitting on torn chairs which were part of our original kitchen set, freezing in a home with rotted out windows, living with outdated, worn carpeting, window coverings, wallpaper and appliances, washing dishes by hand because our dishwasher broke several years ago, Dr. Dick is investing our money on what he feels are worthwhile commodities: himself and his meal ticket to a new life.
Taking Stock Of The Situation
Looking back over the past several months, one of the hardest things about this whole divorce process is that I have to continue to share the home with Dick. From what I've been learning, (and I am getting quite the legal education) it is very difficult, if not nearly impossible, to get the husband to move out of the house, unless he is physically abusive or threatens with a weapon. Believe me, I discussed how to make this possibility a reality with my attorney. He refused to consider this at all. Of course, he's not the one subjected day and night to this inhumane way of life. Maybe if he were in my shoes, he would look at things differently.
Being the Pollyanna that I am, I had to find the silver lining to my current status. I decided that living with Dick post filing for divorce has its advantages and disadvantages. Granted, there's very little to sugarcoat here. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that the negative certainly outweighs the positive. Even Pollyanna realizes that! However, had Dick moved out of our home like any self-respecting, jerky, low-life who used his wife till he found someone better should have, I never would have found out about Juanita and what the two of them have been up to. So do I consider this a good or a bad thing? From the standpoint of it totally destroying my self-esteem and self-worth, it is beyond horrible. Obsessing over the numerous ways I envision Dick suffering throughout eternity for the way he is and has been treating me and for dissipating marital assets, (or in layman's terms---spending an exorbitant amount of OUR money on his new girlfriend) has some therapeutic benefits. Being able to document (this is where my newly acquired super-sleuth skills come in) and prove that he is doing what I think he is doing which should help my case and sway the settlement in my favor is definitely priceless. Geez, this almost sounds like an ad for MasterCard. (Actually, it probably could be... attorneys take credit cards as a method of payment for their services.) I could see it now...
Twenty six years living with an abusive spouse ---tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees and still counting ...
Finally getting rid of the scumbag---priceless!!!
For times like these... there's MasterCard
For now, I have to hang tight and wait things out. Or as my yoga teacher always says, "Life is perfect just the way it is. If you weren't meant to be where you are, you would be somewhere else. Learn the lesson you are supposed to and move on." From that standpoint, I must really be a slow learner. It's taken me 26 years to get to this point! The Pollyanna in me says, "Better late than never."
Being the Pollyanna that I am, I had to find the silver lining to my current status. I decided that living with Dick post filing for divorce has its advantages and disadvantages. Granted, there's very little to sugarcoat here. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that the negative certainly outweighs the positive. Even Pollyanna realizes that! However, had Dick moved out of our home like any self-respecting, jerky, low-life who used his wife till he found someone better should have, I never would have found out about Juanita and what the two of them have been up to. So do I consider this a good or a bad thing? From the standpoint of it totally destroying my self-esteem and self-worth, it is beyond horrible. Obsessing over the numerous ways I envision Dick suffering throughout eternity for the way he is and has been treating me and for dissipating marital assets, (or in layman's terms---spending an exorbitant amount of OUR money on his new girlfriend) has some therapeutic benefits. Being able to document (this is where my newly acquired super-sleuth skills come in) and prove that he is doing what I think he is doing which should help my case and sway the settlement in my favor is definitely priceless. Geez, this almost sounds like an ad for MasterCard. (Actually, it probably could be... attorneys take credit cards as a method of payment for their services.) I could see it now...
Twenty six years living with an abusive spouse ---tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees and still counting ...
Finally getting rid of the scumbag---priceless!!!
For times like these... there's MasterCard
For now, I have to hang tight and wait things out. Or as my yoga teacher always says, "Life is perfect just the way it is. If you weren't meant to be where you are, you would be somewhere else. Learn the lesson you are supposed to and move on." From that standpoint, I must really be a slow learner. It's taken me 26 years to get to this point! The Pollyanna in me says, "Better late than never."
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
It Takes A Village
Several years ago, Hillary Rodham Clinton popularized the phrase, "It takes a village to raise a child." I believe it also takes a village to get through the divorce process. This is something one should never attempt to tackle alone. In addition to keeping up with the nuances of daily life,the amount of stress, life-changing information to take in, act on and adapt to and the emotional roller coaster you've been thrown on that would without a doubt, rival any E ticket ride at Disney, is down right overwhelming, exhausting and oftentimes absolutely unbearable.
While you don't want to go through a divorce by yourself, the key is to find the right "support team" to be there for you every step of the way. Speaking from experience, when life gets this out of whack, the best way to get through the crisis is to rely only on people who have your best interest at heart. If not, then in addition to what you were originally dealing with, you'll also have to contend with these other individuals' personal agendas, which oftentimes are not in sync with yours. Ultimately this only complicates matters and makes what you were initially coping with seem mild in comparison. Trust me, I've been there and done that. Learn from my mistakes and your life will be so much easier and happier. How will you know who to trust? It's actually quite simple. Everyone shows you their true colors when things are great in your life and likewise when things absolutely suck. This is when you discover quickly who your real friends are. Just to clarify, true pals are happy when things go well for you and are sad when things go bad. As hard as it is to believe, some have this concept completely screwed up. For whatever reason, they are upset when you're on top of the world and are joyous when you are suffering. Make no mistake about it, no matter what they might say or do to convince you otherwise, these are not your allies. They are your enemies. Many times they come disguised as friends and relatives. Sadly, it happens a lot. It also hurts a lot. I can't think of too many things that are more painful than being betrayed and back stabbed by so-called loved ones. Having them contaminate your life with their anger, jealousy and hatred when what you need is kindness, understanding and compassion is wrong, unnecessary and damaging. As hard as this might sound, what's not good... got to go.
Instead, focus in on who and what's right in your life. As best as possible, ignore the negative. Otherwise you waste all your energy being upset with those who are trying to make your life miserable and completely ignore all the wonderful souls who truly care and want to see you happy. It's a no win situation. Believe me, right now, there are a few "bad apples" who are doing everything in their power to make me feel even worse than I already do. Being completely riled up by their inexcusable behavior, I had to say to myself, "Are you going to let a few cads who have no brains, common sense or hearts get to you or are you going to concentrate and appreciate the multitude of life savers who have come forward to help and support you?" When I thought about it that way, the answer was easy. I'm very lucky in that I've been truly blessed with an amazing group of human angels. They always say and do the right things and magically appear just when I need them the most with a phone call, e-mail or invitation to get together. There's no other way to explain it except to believe they are heaven sent.
At this point I need to acknowledge all my friends and relatives who make sure I stay strong, focused and positive and give me the will to carry on... even though I would much rather quit playing the game, walk away from the table and cash in my chips. When the time is right, I'll thank each and every one of you in a special way. For now, know that you are the wind beneath my wings and because of all of your support, friendship, encouragement, advice, concern and love, I will find my direction, gain momentum and speed and eventually soar.
I've saved a few of your"words of wisdom" that I read and reread over and over again when this journey I'm on becomes too long, too draining and too depressing.
Here's a few of my favorites...
Just stick with it. Tell yourself that the worst part will be over soon... if you could live with him all these years, you can manage to hold out until you are through with him. Tell yourself that you have to do this to be happy for the first time in a long time. Tell yourself that you have to do this for your kids. Tell yourself that you have to do this to keep your sanity...
This is from an e-card I received:
It's called a "leap of faith"
Because there is strength...
In daring to take the leap
and the faith happens...
just before you realize...
that you've begun to fly.
Believe in your strength
And your power...
I do
Believe in yourself
Because you all believe, I now believe too. Because you all have confidence in me, I now am confident too. Because you all have faith in me, I have faith that everything will turn out fine and I will be okay. I know it will happen because you are here with me every step of the way making sure that I don't falter, change direction and that I ultimately will reach my destination safe and sound.
While you don't want to go through a divorce by yourself, the key is to find the right "support team" to be there for you every step of the way. Speaking from experience, when life gets this out of whack, the best way to get through the crisis is to rely only on people who have your best interest at heart. If not, then in addition to what you were originally dealing with, you'll also have to contend with these other individuals' personal agendas, which oftentimes are not in sync with yours. Ultimately this only complicates matters and makes what you were initially coping with seem mild in comparison. Trust me, I've been there and done that. Learn from my mistakes and your life will be so much easier and happier. How will you know who to trust? It's actually quite simple. Everyone shows you their true colors when things are great in your life and likewise when things absolutely suck. This is when you discover quickly who your real friends are. Just to clarify, true pals are happy when things go well for you and are sad when things go bad. As hard as it is to believe, some have this concept completely screwed up. For whatever reason, they are upset when you're on top of the world and are joyous when you are suffering. Make no mistake about it, no matter what they might say or do to convince you otherwise, these are not your allies. They are your enemies. Many times they come disguised as friends and relatives. Sadly, it happens a lot. It also hurts a lot. I can't think of too many things that are more painful than being betrayed and back stabbed by so-called loved ones. Having them contaminate your life with their anger, jealousy and hatred when what you need is kindness, understanding and compassion is wrong, unnecessary and damaging. As hard as this might sound, what's not good... got to go.
Instead, focus in on who and what's right in your life. As best as possible, ignore the negative. Otherwise you waste all your energy being upset with those who are trying to make your life miserable and completely ignore all the wonderful souls who truly care and want to see you happy. It's a no win situation. Believe me, right now, there are a few "bad apples" who are doing everything in their power to make me feel even worse than I already do. Being completely riled up by their inexcusable behavior, I had to say to myself, "Are you going to let a few cads who have no brains, common sense or hearts get to you or are you going to concentrate and appreciate the multitude of life savers who have come forward to help and support you?" When I thought about it that way, the answer was easy. I'm very lucky in that I've been truly blessed with an amazing group of human angels. They always say and do the right things and magically appear just when I need them the most with a phone call, e-mail or invitation to get together. There's no other way to explain it except to believe they are heaven sent.
At this point I need to acknowledge all my friends and relatives who make sure I stay strong, focused and positive and give me the will to carry on... even though I would much rather quit playing the game, walk away from the table and cash in my chips. When the time is right, I'll thank each and every one of you in a special way. For now, know that you are the wind beneath my wings and because of all of your support, friendship, encouragement, advice, concern and love, I will find my direction, gain momentum and speed and eventually soar.
I've saved a few of your"words of wisdom" that I read and reread over and over again when this journey I'm on becomes too long, too draining and too depressing.
Here's a few of my favorites...
Just stick with it. Tell yourself that the worst part will be over soon... if you could live with him all these years, you can manage to hold out until you are through with him. Tell yourself that you have to do this to be happy for the first time in a long time. Tell yourself that you have to do this for your kids. Tell yourself that you have to do this to keep your sanity...
This is from an e-card I received:
It's called a "leap of faith"
Because there is strength...
In daring to take the leap
and the faith happens...
just before you realize...
that you've begun to fly.
Believe in your strength
And your power...
I do
Believe in yourself
Because you all believe, I now believe too. Because you all have confidence in me, I now am confident too. Because you all have faith in me, I have faith that everything will turn out fine and I will be okay. I know it will happen because you are here with me every step of the way making sure that I don't falter, change direction and that I ultimately will reach my destination safe and sound.
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