The Calm In Between Storms

After Dick left for his business/Labor Day Holiday vacation, I could honestly sense a change in the air in our home. There was a lightness, calmness and an overall feeling of peace. Maybe it was because I knew he wouldn't be breathing down my neck for the next several days and I would be free from his sneakiness, manipulative actions and controlling ways. In any event, I was enjoying whatever it was that I was feeling. Five whole days without Dick!!! I was like a kid whose parents were going out of town and would have the place to herself.

While I had no wild parties planned at our home, I was looking forward to an event coming up on Saturday. Friends of mine, who I lost touch with several years earlier and recently reconnected with, were having an open house at their vacation home in a neighboring state. I was happy that Marni made plans with her friends to go to a local holiday festival that day so at least I knew she would be occupied while I was gone. All of a sudden I was getting a taste of what being a single mom was going to be like... an introduction to my new emerging status.

On Saturday afternoon, after I dropped off Marni and her friends at the event, I drove over to another friend's house. She and her husband offered to take me to the open house, so I wouldn't have to go by myself. Sitting in the backseat of their car, I suddenly felt alone and lonely. This was the first time in 26 years that I was going to a party without my husband. Even though Dick and I hadn't gotten along for a number of years , there was a level of comfort in knowing that we would have each other at social events. This was my first "solo" experience. Sadness crept in and accompanied me the rest of the ride. When we got to our destination, I felt the melancholy start to lift. My friends' home was right on the lake for which this popular resort town was named. Over the years, Dick, the kids and I would come up here for little getaways or just to spend the day. I always wondered who lived in these homes and now I was actually partying at one. A crowd was already there by the time we arrived and immediately I got caught up in conversation. The group meandered out to the dock and spent a leisurely afternoon enjoying the weather, food and drink. The view from the backyard was breathtaking. Before dinner, my friend's husband took a few of us out for a boat ride around the lake. I was having the time of my life. Sitting around with old pals and new acquaintances , enjoying a sumptuous Italian spread of salad, pasta, lasagna, roasted vegetables, crusty bread, wine and rich-mouthwatering desserts, while sharing lively conversation and non-stop laughter, I was beginning to get a taste of what my new life could be like. By the same token, it hit me like a Mac truck, what I was missing for way too long, how much I put up with and how deprived I've been of all the things that mattered the most to me: good friends, companionship, happiness, a feeling of belonging and fitting in and most important of all, being surrounded by people who made me feel alive and appreciated. Getting a divorce sure put a new perspective on things. I started to realize that much better things are waiting for me out there, once I get through all the crap I'm dealing with now.
All in all, it was a great day... the first one I had in far too long.