Let's Party!

Of course Mr. Maturity had to start up before we even left the house. He told Marni that to be "fair," she should drive to the party with him and she can come home with me. I seriously think he needs to have his head examined. What middle-aged professional man in his right mind would be so petty and childish? The two of them quickly left. I was stuck packing up my trunk and back seat with the cake, prizes and games all by myself. Of course they arrived at the restaurant on time to greet the guests. As is so typical of my life, I was late. It wasn't enough that I was stuck in heavy rush hour traffic. A slow moving train blocked the road for several minutes, delaying me even further. As I was unable to move, the longer I sat in my car watching the minutes tick by on the clock on my dashboard, frustration and anger steadily mounted inside me. When I finally pulled up to the restaurant, several of Marni's friends were already there. I was left alone to unload the car, bring everything in and set up. Just as well-deserved self pity welcomed itself into my body, an ensemble of perfectly pitched voices in my head started singing a popular song from several decades ago. With full gusto, they belted out, "It's My Party And I'll Cry If I Want To...Cry If I Want To... Cry If I Want To... You Would Cry To If It Happened To You." Following their directive, the tears started welling up in my eyes. Immediately I had to stop as I reminded myself that this wasn't my party. It was Marni's special night. She deserved it to be happy, fun and carefree. My pity party was put on temporary hold. I knew that without a doubt, there will be plenty of opportunities in the near future to reschedule. After taking several long, deep cleansing breaths, I repeated over and over to myself .... "I will not let Dick ruin my night...I will not let Dick ruin my night... I will not let Dick ruin my night."

Forcing a smile on my face, I made my way to the party room. Acting like nothing was wrong, I quickly got organized, took out my new camera and started taking pictures of Marni and her friends. Dick was already playing the "host with the most." I don't know how this guy does it. He doesn't lift a finger to do anything, yet everything always falls in place for him. About five minutes later, Dick came up to me and with a cocky sneer informed me that he invited his best friend Bruce to come. I looked at him with total disbelief and said that was totally inappropriate and he had no business doing that. Very curtly, he told me not to make an issue about it and walked away. My blood was starting to boil. He's got so much nerve. Does this guy ever take a break from being an annoying pain in the neck?

Just as the girls sat down to eat, Bruce walked in the room. Immediately he came up to me, gave me a hug and told me he hoped I wasn't upset that he was there. I told him I didn't mind, but was very surprised to find out after the party started that he was invited. Dick, Bruce and I (in that order) sat down at a small table on the side and ate dinner together. Actually it was a blessing in disguise that he was there. Bruce became the perfect buffer and prevented any unnecessary petty arguing from occurring. He also wound up being very good company. The whole evening he talked to me and pretty much ignored Dick.

All in all, the party was a complete success. Everyone devoured the mozzarella sticks, salad and assorted varieties of pizza served. The girls enjoyed Marni's trivia and had a lot of fun playing MARNI. My daughter was in all her glory. She was beaming the whole evening and made quite the Mistress of Ceremonies. I've never seen Marni so confident and in such complete control of a group. I don't know when I've been more proud of her. Her cake was also a big hit. After the girls finished eating dessert, Marni began opening her presents. One of her closest friends took on the role of writing everything Marni said on the cloth napkin. A lot of the girls were intrigued by what she was doing and helped her keep up with the dictation. The night flew by and when the party was supposed to be over, Marni was still unwrapping gifts. Needless to say, whatever she said, was not read to the group. The girls didn't totally get this concept anyway. They actually thought Marni was supposed to save the napkin and read it on her wedding night. Who knows. Maybe they'll start a new tradition.

It was getting late. I still had to fill up my tank and pack for my trip. Marni was in a quandary. She didn't know who to go home with. Trying to play by Dick's ridiculous rules she wanted to keep things equal. I told her that I had to stop at the gas station and if she wanted to go straight home, she should go with her dad. So that was what she did.

Once home, I had to get everything together for my weekend at college. I would be leaving early the next morning so I would be able to spend as much time as possible with Josh.

I was really looking forward to getting out of town and taking a breather from Dick.

Trying To Put The Sweet Back Into Sweet 16

For a short month, February sure was hopping with lots of activity. After our heartwarming experience on Valentine's Day, Marni and I had another important milestone to plan and look forward to---her Sweet 16. I knew her feelings were mixed about this special birthday. The divorce, all the non-stop tension in our home and the resulting upheaval in all of our lives had put a damper on her spirit. Marni's main concern (and a legitimate one at that), was whether Dick and I would be arguing at her party. I assured her that I would not be starting or participating in any quarrels with her dad and I hoped he would also call a "cease fire" during the celebration.

As much as I wanted Marni to feel excited about her upcoming soiree, she was reluctant to make any plans. Even though we picked out a date, nothing else was getting done. As the day of her festivities was quickly approaching, I had to get the ball rolling. One of my close friends suggested several local restaurants as possible venues for the affair. After phoning them all, I narrowed the list down to two. Marni had the day off of school for President's Day so we went to check out the one that was closer to our home. After seeing the room and talking with the manager, we both agreed that this would be the perfect place for her party. Before I booked the room, I told Marni that we should let her dad know about our plans. I was trying to be the mature adult in this situation and set a good example.

That night Marni and I informed Dick that we found the place for her Sweet 16, showed him the menu and told him that I would be reserving the room the next day. Immediately he wanted to know how much this was going to cost because he said he didn't have a lot of money to spend on this affair. I held back from saying that he makes sure he has more than enough money for his "affair" with Juanita. For crying out loud, this is his only daughter and this special birthday only occurs once in a lifetime. I couldn't believe that he had the gall to actually say this in front of Marni. No wonder she wasn't excited about her upcoming birthday.

The following day I reserved the room. Almost immediately after I got off the phone with the restaurant, I got a call from Josh, telling me that mom's weekend at his frat was going to be the same weekend that Marni's party was planned for. What was I going to do? I didn't want to miss either event, nor did I want my son or daughter to feel that I was picking one over the other. A very close friend of mine came up with the solution. Move the Sweet 16 from Saturday night to Friday night and spend Saturday and Sunday with Josh. I talked it over with both kids and they were fine with this arrangement. The restaurant also had no problem switching the day, so all was good again.

All of a sudden, I had way too much to do and not enough time to get it all done. At least, by focusing on something positive and fun, my mind would be taken off of Dick's disgusting behavior. I reminisced about my own Sweet 16 and what a great day that was for me. I wanted Marni to feel the same about hers. Unfortunately, her circumstances are a lot different than mine were. However, this is life and things don't always turn out the way we hope or envision. We have to take what we get and make the best of the situation. With that thought in mind, I decided to throw Marni the best party I could; one she would look back upon and remember with the fondest of memories.

So what could we do to entertain a room full of teenage girls that wouldn't cost a lot of money, be different from the usual, occupy their time and attention and be creative and interesting? It hit me out of the blue that instead of playing BINGO we could play MARNI. On the computer I made a sheet that looked like a BINGO card. Across the top I wrote M A R N I. In place of the free space, I put a picture of Marni in the middle. Needing numerous copies, I decided to run over to my local printer and have them professionally duplicated. Then Marni and I came up with a list of about 100 things that described her including such things as her favorite foods, activities, singers, movies, T.V shows, etc. After gathering all this information, I got busy filling out each sheet making sure that I used completely different words or phrases on every page. Like I said, I needed something to take my mind off of my troubles and this was certainly taking a lot of time and creative thought!!! For awhile, I could care less about Dick and his antics.

Trying to figure out what should be used as MARNI chips to cover the cards was another issue. After much deliberation, I decided that since this is a Sweet 16, small wrapped candies would be perfect. After carefully analyzing the size and number of squares that needed to be filled on each card, I figured out that Hershey kisses would not only look adorable, they would also make a tasty treat as well. Next was deciding what kind of containers to place them in. I wanted to make sure that everyone had enough markers to cover their sheets. Marni wanted to give cosmetic bags as her take home gifts to her friends. I went on line and found attractive mesh ones at the Container Store in black, silver and white. The price was right too! When there was sufficient money in the checkbook, (a constant issue for me since this divorce process started) I ran over to the location nearest to our home and snagged up several in each color. After calculating how many Hershey pieces I would need, I comparison shopped on the internet and discovered that Sam's Club had industrial-sized bags of kisses that would be cost effective and supply me with just the right amount of candy. Who would have ever imagined this was going to be so complicated and time consuming! When all the supplies were bought and accounted for, Marni and I got busy one evening filling each bag with 25 kisses. The end result was awesome. I was happy with how sophisticated they all looked and marveled at my ingenuity. Marni was getting excited about her party. I was overjoyed. Without any prodding from me, she made up a trivia game about herself and got busy coming up with interesting personal tidbits that her friends would have to guess at.

Next we focused on buying prizes for her games. Every time we ran an errand, we looked for all the things teen age girls crave: nail polish, lip glosses, body butters and bath gels and lotions. I knew we had found great stuff because whatever we bought, Marni insisted we get a duplicate so she could have one as well.

I told Marni that when I was 16, at our parties we used to have a friend write down on a cloth napkin everything that we said while we were opening our presents. It was then read back to the guests stating this is what the party girl would be saying on her wedding night. After all these years, I still have the one that was made for me. Every so often, I take it out and read it. Unfortunately, what I said on my wedding night wasn't anything close to what was predicted ahead of time. However, there's no reason to rehash that now! After much coaxing, I finally convinced Marni to do this at her party as well. She wasn't overjoyed with the idea, but appeased me and went along with it. This gave me something else to do: buy a nice cloth napkin and a permanent marker.

Marni needed something special to wear to her party. One night about a week before the soiree, we ventured out to the mall. After spending several hours going back and forth to the same few stores over and over again, she finally picked out an outfit that she actually liked. All this activity left us famished and we stopped for a quick bite to eat. Our dinner conversation turned to the divorce and how stressful it is for all of us. I told Marni that when this will finally be over, I'm going to sell all the jewelry her father gave me and buy myself a pair of diamond stud earrings. Marni surprised me by saying that when this is over and done with, she's buying herself an open heart necklace. I was so stunned to hear this. I told her she definitely deserves something for living through all this hell and I will buy the necklace for her! She didn't argue.

Everything was falling into place quite nicely. All that was left to do was order the cake. Marni requested chocolate with strawberry filling and whipped cream frosting. The bakery added a special touch by decorating the top with an assortment of small candy bars...more sweets for the Sweet 16.

As I prepared, shopped and took care of all the last minute details, Dick got busy doing what he does best: making everyone else miserable. When the party plans and the trip to college were confirmed, I called my attorney and told him that I needed money for these events. He told me that he would talk to Dick's attorney and make sure that Dick gives me enough cash to cover all the expenses. At the home front, things were transpiring a lot differently. The day before Marni's party, Dick informed me that I have to pay for the party with the money that is in the checkbook. He refused to use any of "his" money for his daughter's party. Even though we both agreed and signed the court order several months earlier which stipulated that the money in the checkbook was supposed to be used only for my expenses and not family events, Dick was now making up his own order and refused to comply. I placed numerous frantic calls to my attorney. In addition, Dick didn't give me any money to cover my trip. In a daze, I called the restaurant and they informed me that they don't accept personal checks as payment. The day of the party, I had to run to the bank, withdrew all the money we had left in the account and prayed that the amount I had covered the cost of the party. I called back the restaurant and asked how we could keep the expenses down to the amount of cash I had. The manager told me that he appreciated that money was tight for us and he wanted to make sure our party was a success so he gave me special rates on our menu items. I was so embarrassed. Inside I was seething. I couldn't believe how low Dick was stooping. As far as my trip, I was on my own financially. Fortunately, I had a little money put aside from a few market research focus groups I recently attended.

As the day progressed, I had to keep reminding myself not to let Dick get to me. I needed to stay focused on Marni's party and how wonderful everything would turn out. After all my hard work, Dick was not going to put a damper on the evening's festivities.